What is an “extreme liberal”?
That was the question posed the other night on one of those late-night talk shows nobody watches by someone named Trevor Noah, or maybe it was Noah Trevor.
“I go like, what is an extreme liberal,” he said. “Like, what is that?”
Like, you’re kidding dude, right? I don’t think he’s an American, and he doesn’t seem very funny.
“What is this thing you’re afraid of?” he went on. “Health care for everybody, free education, is that what you’re afraid of?”
Free education. Yeah right. I wonder what Noah Trevor got on his SATs.
Anyway, perhaps this foreign fop needs some free education as to what an extreme liberal is.
An extreme liberal is someone like Leonardo DiCaprio, who flies around on his private jet delivering impassioned speeches on the dangers of climate change.
He or she still has a Hillary Clinton bumper sticker on the family Tesla, right next to “COEXIST.”
They run through the streets rioting and setting fires and yelling “Smash the State!” and then when they get arrested, they write on Facebook how “terrified” they are of going to jail just before spring break.
They believe that Christian bakers who won’t provide wedding cakes to lesbians should be imprisoned, but unvetted Muslim “refugees” who believe in stoning gays, Sharia law, female-genital mutilation and honor killings should be admitted to the U.S. and put on welfare, no questions asked.
Anyone who has a different point of view from them is “Hitler.”
They still really believe Elizabeth Warren is Cherokee.
They think Obama deserved his Nobel Peace Prize.
They call anyone who disagrees with Hillary a sexist, with Obama a racist, and with Barney Frank a homophobe.
They love soccer and hate football — except for Colin Kaepernick.
They nodded in agreement when Jill Stein suggested the Russians had used “floppy discs” to hack into voting machines in Michigan that weren’t even connected to the internet.
They follow Chelsea Clinton on Twitter and desperately hope she runs for Congress.
The women just got new tattoos on their backsides — “Nevertheless she persisted.”
They want a special prosecutor appointed to go after Sean Spicer for commenting on the great February job numbers 38 minutes early.
They believe Francis is the greatest pope ever.
Some of their favorite phrases: settled science, settled law, common-sense gun control, reality-based, and “That’s not who we are.”
Extreme liberals watch the Oscars.
They really believe The New York Times and CNN are on the level.
They support free choice on abortions, but not school vouchers.
Extreme liberals believe that cities and states have the option of defying federal law and court rulings on immigration, but not on gay marriage and abortion.
They think cigarette smoke is the deadliest carcinogen ever, but marijuana smoke is totally medicinal, dude.
They’re very concerned about the “War on Women” and the campus rape epidemic, but think it’s OK to allow male sex offenders into girls’ locker rooms because it’s a matter of tolerance and who are we to say they aren’t “self-identifying” as women that day?
They believed that a few warm days last month were a sign of impending catastrophe in the “climate,” but shrug off this weekend’s Arctic blast and impending snowstorm as mere “weather.”
They think George Wallace was a Republican.
You are much more likely to be an extreme liberal if you have a trust fund or work for a nonprofit.
They fantasize that Donald Trump wants to do to them what they were planning to do to the rest of us if Hillary Clinton had won the election.
They totally support the First Amendment, except for anyone who disagrees with them, in which case they should be thrown into jail.
They fervently believe in mass transit — for everybody other than themselves, because they’re way too important to have to waste their time waiting for a stinky bus.
They support full civil rights for the homeless until some free-range Americans decide to camp out in front of their Beacon Hill mansions, at which time the extreme liberal indignantly calls 911 and demands immediate removal of the “bums.”
They oppose the border wall, from the safety of their gated communities and doorman-patrolled co-ops and high rises.
Hey, Noah Trevor or whatever your name is, hope this helps and, welcome to America!
Order Howie’s new book, “Kennedy Babylon,” at his website, howiecarrshow.com.
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