Finally, an awards show I’m interested in — the first annual Fake News Awards, to be unveiled Wednesday, January 17th, by President Donald J. Trump at the White House.

Will there be a red carpet — or perhaps it should be pink, to commemorate all the parlor pinks in the alt-left media who will be receiving the august honors? And by the way, what will we call the actual trophies? So many names are taken — Oscars, Emmys, Golden Globes, etc.

So let’s call the Fake News awards the Barnicles, for obvious reasons.

You know this is one of those situations where all the card-carrying fellow travelers are actually fervently hoping that they win — it’s like the Nixon enemies list, or Whitey Bulger’s list of defense witnesses who were reporters. To be included was a badge of honor; not to make the list was a humiliation. (I was too young for Nixon’s, but by God I made Whitey’s list!)

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Mr. President, here are my nominees for your first annual Fake News Awards:

Best Fake News Fake Republican: A crowded field, including among others David Frum, Bill Kristol and George Will. But the winner is Jennifer Rubin of The Washington Post, who was against the Paris climate accords until Trump was, after which she loved them. She was against DACA until Trump denounced the Dreamers, after which she flip-flopped. She was totally in favor of moving the U.S. embassy in Israel to Jerusalem until — well, you get the picture.

Best election-night 2016 weeping live on air: Martha Raddatz, ABC News.

Lifetime-achievement award for fake news, cable news division: CNN for falsely reporting, among many other things, Anthony Scaramucci’s ties to Russians (three hacks fired); that James Comey would tell Congress he never told Trump he wasn’t under investigation re: Russia; that Nancy Sinatra complained about Trump using her father’s music at his inauguration; that a Republican donor financed the dodgy dossier; that Donald Trump Jr. got early access to stolen DNC emails; that Trump poisoned koi fish in Japan; that Trump didn’t know that Japanese car manufacturers had factories in the U.S. …

The Alamo Award: To Yahoo News, for falsely reporting that President Trump was planning to invade Mexico.

The I Have a Dream, or Maybe a Hallucination Award: To Time magazine, for falsely reporting that Trump had removed the bust of MLK Jr. from the Oval Office, because when the crack scribe looked for it, someone was standing in front of the bust, blocking his view.

Lifetime-achievement fake news award, print division: Washington Post, for falsely reporting, among many other things, that Russia hacked the U.S. electric-power grid (it was a guy checking his email); that Trump’s late father Fred when he was running for mayor of NYC ran blatantly anti-black TV spots (he never ran for mayor; the “ads” were an internet parody); that no one showed up at Trump’s December rally in Pensacola, Fla. (the Post had to apologize for that bogus report); for Dana Milbank having one of his 2016 columns actually written by the Hillary campaign. …

One last thing, Mr. President. There’s so much material here, are you sure this is just a one-hour awards show? This could be a miniseries, or in fact, a maxiseries.

Order Howie’s new book, Kennedy Babylon, at


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