Fox News reported this week that Obama is planning a “farewell tour” in mid-January — boy, I sure hope this is some more of that fake news the alt-left is so worried about.

Farewell tour? I mean, it’s not like this Barry Soetoro is a beloved figure like Big Papi. How can we miss him if he won’t go away?

It’s all about his “legacy” — as if $10 trillion added to the national debt and an eight-year societal malaise aren’t enough of a legacy.

But just in case he really is planning a tour, where should Obama go, and how should he commemorate his eight dismal years?

He should definitely try to visit as many of what he thinks are the 57 or 59 states, not to mention a few foreign countries like Austria, where he said they speak Austrian, or Afghanistan, where he claimed the native tongue is Arabic.

He should definitely stop off at Fort Hood. You know, the place where a Muslim terrorist killed 13 Americans and Obama went on national TV to lecture us about “workplace violence.”

He could visit the Red Line — no, not the one here, the one in Syria that he dared Assad to step over, which he promptly did and … how’s that one working out for you, Barry?

Central Square, Cambridge — lecture the cops one final time on how they have “acted stupidly.”

Stop by his Uncle Omar’s package store in Framingham and celebrate the only illegal alien in the nation who actually works for a living and isn’t on welfare (unlike his late Auntie Zeituni).

Obama should personally visit every American family that, as promised by him, got to keep their doctor and their health insurance and saved $2,500 on the premiums too.

It won’t take long, because there aren’t any such families, just like there aren’t any “Muslim founding fathers,” although he claimed there were some of them, too.

A must stop in the Midwest — Ferguson, Mo., where his “Hands Up Don’t Shoot!” fake-news myth was born.

A shuttered coal mine in West Virginia. The boarded-up Solyndra factory in Fremont, Calif.

Celebrate the new industries his “fundamental transformation of America” policies have created — let’s schedule a visit to a prayer-rug factory in Dearborn.

Gotta drop a dozen doughnuts off at the regional IRS office in Cincinnati. You know, the one where the “rogue agents” decided on their own to start persecuting Tea Party groups, without any prompting from anyone in his administration.

He should go back to Chicago and check in with his “composite” girlfriend, or maybe he can return to the living room of his dear friends, convicted terrorists Bill Ayers and Bernardine Dohrn.

Gotta have a few sports stops, maybe at “Cominskey Field” in Chicago, or a whistle-stop at State College, Pa., to salute the team he calls the “Nittaly Lions.”

Definitely needs to visit the seashore, because, after all, there’s so much more beachfront property now that the sea levels have been receding since 2008, just like he promised would happen if he were elected president.

Stop by ABC News in D.C. and deliver a box of Kleenex to Martha Raddatz, who was boo-hoo-hooing on Election Night.

Phone ahead to the halfway house where Nakoula B. Nakoula was locked up after Obama and Hillary decided that patsy was going to take the fall for their Benghazi fiasco, even though nobody had ever heard of him or his “film,” let alone seen it.

Obama could at least do a flyover above the Animas River in southern Colorado, into which his EPA dumped 3 million gallons of heavy metal-filled wastewater last year — and the mainstream media are worried about what Donald Trump is going to do to the environment!

The Animas is right on the way to Florence, Colo., which I’m sure the president will want to visit as he hand-delivers a presidential pardon to Supermax Prison inmate 95079-038, also known as Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.

Barack can order Air Force One to land on the tarmac at the Phoenix Airport to remind everyone how Bill Clinton put the fix in with AG Loretta Lynch so that his corrupt wife Hillary wouldn’t be indicted before the election.

Visit some of the national monuments he shut down during all those fake “government shutdowns.”

Definitely needs to schedule a stopover in Hawaii, or as he calls it, “Asia.”

Hey, Barack, forget the farewell tour. Just take the words of Oliver Cromwell from 1653 to heart:

“It is high time to put an end to your sitting in this place, which you have dishonored by your contempt of all virtue and defiled by your practice of every vice … In the name of God, go!”

Howie’s latest novel, Killers, is now available everywhere in paperback.


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