Call it noblesse oblige — John Forbes “Liveshot” Kerry has ever so generously offered the hoi polloi out here in flyover country some tips on how to avoid being murdered this summer by “migrants” and/or “lone wolves.”

“I would not tell any friend of mine or any member of my family, don’t travel to Europe or elsewhere.”

Mr. Secretary, that’s because all of your friends and family have private aircrafts and armed security. As for us plebeians, this is what he told us to do Sunday on “Face the Nation”:

“Well, it’s really a matter of common sense. … It means avoid a crowded place where you have no control over who may be there.”

You know, like an airport. Just stay out of airports this summer. And those people whom we can absolutely never, under any circumstances, call “Islamic terrorists,” may not get to you. But, Mr. Secretary, what about baseball games — or should I say, “baseball matches,” as Kerry used to call them on the campaign trail in 2004 before reporting the final score — “Detroit 2, Red Sox 3!”

Mr. Secretary, is there anything specific that us bitter clingers in “crowded places” should be on the lookout for?

“If you see a guy walking into an airport with a black glove in one hand and nothing on the other and there are two of them the same way and they are pushing a big suitcase, maybe that tells you something.”

Or maybe not. Perhaps they are just a couple of “refugees” on their way to a Michael Jackson tribute concert. But let’s take this one step further — if you hear the “Syrians” suddenly screaming “Allahu Akhbar!” the way they did in Brussels before they detonated their bombs — is it OK to start running at that point, or under Obama administration guidelines would such a failure to celebrate diversity be considered a “microaggression?”

“I mean,” Kerry continued, “there are realities that there are dangers around. I don’t want to scare anybody.”

Just the fact that you’re the secretary of state is scary. Ditto, the fact that the president of the United States could lecture reporters with a straight face Monday that they should call out “politicians (who) issue unworkable plans or make promises they can’t keep and there are reporters here who know they can’t keep them.”

Promises they can’t keep — you know, like claiming Obamacare would mean $2,500 cuts in everyone’s insurance premiums, or that his election would mean that sea levels would start to recede. But back to Kerry …

“The odds of being hit by a terrorist are far less than the odds of an injury in the course of daily life, whether it’s an accident in an automobile or a home or elsewhere.”

Yeah, you could fall off your pink girly bike in a parking lot on Nantucket. Or you could slip and fall on the dock as you board the $7.5 million yacht that your second wife’s first husband’s trust fund bought you as a gift.

“People do not have to live in fear.”

As long as you and your ilk are in office, yes we do.

Listen to Howie 3-7 p.m. every weekday on WRKO AM 680.


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