Why did the Edward M. Kennedy Institute for the United States Senate decide to give John “Liveshot” Kerry its first lifetime achievement award?

Probably because Harvey Weinstein was not available to pick up the “Teddy” award last Sunday night.

I mean, in terms of Kennedy-esque “lifetime achievement” — specifically, serial sexual harassment, misogyny, gross obesity and generally boorish behavior — Harvey was the most obvious pick to honor the memory of the hero of Chappaquiddick.

Harvey and Teddy were two peas in a pod, which is probably why Weinstein gave him all those thousands of dollars over the years, in addition to the contributions he also made to Teddy’s nephew Joe, who crippled a young woman on Nantucket, and whose first wife accused him of bullying her, not to mention Ted’s son, Patches, who once assaulted an elderly black woman guard at LAX airport.

Weinstein richly deserved the coveted “Teddy,” but it just wouldn’t have been the same if they’d had to have him Skype in to the ceremony from his new home at the sex-addiction rehab center in Arizona.

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Ultimately the “Teddy” went to … America’s Gigolo, John Kerry. And for good reason too — to get the white elephant built, Kerry came up with $32 million.

Not $32 million of his own money, of course, but our money. Taxpayers’ money.

Remember back when the institute was first announced? It was all going to be built with funds from the friends of Teddy, we were told. No taxpayer jeopardy whatsoever.

But as it became clear that Teddy would not be around to do any more, ahem, favors, the already negligible flow of private money began to dry up.

And so, a month after Teddy’s death in 2009, a story noted that Liveshot had quietly added an “earmark” to a defense-spending bill — a “little-noticed outlay for Boston that has nothing to do with national defense: $20 million for an education institute.”

Yes, the Teddy Kennedy Institute and Massage Parlor, complete with the “Senate Immersion chamber,” believe it or not. Your tax dollars at work.

A call was placed this week to the institute. Naturally it was denied that Kerry got the award because he delivered the cash to keep the project from going down the tubes.

Anyway, every autumn from now on there will be a new recipient of the Teddy Lifetime Achievement Award, as preposterous in its own way as the Kennedys’ annual “Profiles in Courage” award to some PC Democrat every spring.

Congratulations, Liveshot, and now it’s time to consider next year’s nominees.

Harvey Weinstein will be the front-runner naturally, but when it comes to the 2018 Teddy, so many other contenders come to mind.

Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby, Roman Polanski, Woody Allen, Carlos Danger … the list is practically endless, almost as long as Teddy’s bar tab at Au Bar.

Buy Howie’s new book, “Kennedy Babylon,” at howiecarrshow.com.


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