Breaking news: The Washington Post is reporting that Donald Trump is “complicit” in Hurricane Florence.
Stop the presses! The president of the United States is colluding with a natural disaster.
Talk about high crimes and misdemeanors … not to mention high tides.
There is only one possible response to the discovery of this latest vast right-wing conspiracy by the Democrat operatives with press passes — a new special counsel investigation.
Empanel another grand jury. Round up the usual suspects. Hire 13 more angry Democrats.
For the Post and the rest of their fellow travelers in the alt-left media, a global warming witch hunt could be the next Russian collusion delusion.
Endless stories about … well, nothing.
But, as the crack scribes always add, “the investigation continues.”
The Post is already into their “investigation continues” routine with their world exclusive on the president’s complicity conspiracy with the hurricane.
“It is hard to attribute any single weather event to climate change.”
But … the investigation continues.
Now that they have two-plus years of producing fake news about a fake investigation under their belts, the Post et al. can get up to speed on this new nonstory quickly. And it’s not just Russian collusion that they can compare the hurricane to. What about Stormy Daniels — from Stormy Daniels to Stormy Florence!
Does anyone have Michael Avenatti’s phone number? Florence will need legal representation in this “probe.”
Another question: what will the new special counsel call Hurricane Florence? (We know they’ll call the president TRUMP, because the feds always capitalize the defendant’s name.) But what about Florence? In Mob wiretap transcripts, if the G-men don’t know the hood’s last name, they use his first name followed by LNU — Last Name Unknown.
So will she be “Florence LNU”? In federal indictments, the victims are usually shielded: “Company A,” “Victim 1” and so forth. So Florence will likely be “Hurricane A.”
One thing for sure: Florence will be described as “Russian-born.” For Democrats, that means they’re guilty.
Grand-jury questions for Hurricane A:
Ms. Hurricane A, given the made-up story in the Hillary Clinton dossier about how TRUMP paid Russian hookers for … “showers,” did TRUMP offer to pay you for regular showers?
Stormy Daniels signed an NDA — a nondisclosure agreement. Did you sign an NDA? Stormy Daniels got $130,000 — how much did TRUMP give Stormy Florence?
On or about Sept. 10, 2018, did you conspire with TRUMP and certain parties known and unknown to the grand jury to flood the Mid-South region, affecting interstate commerce, to wit, the cancellation of Stormy Daniels’ tour at strip clubs in Richmond last night, in Columbia, S.C., tonight and in Charlotte, N.C., tomorrow night, all in violation of U.S. Code. …
Did you surreptitiously record your conversations with TRUMP, the way Omarosa did, because, Ms. Hurricane, that’s the only way you’re going to get onto “The View,” or Rachel Maddow’s show?
Are you shopping a book proposal? Do you own an ostrich jacket? Has the accused sexual-predator president of CBS instructed the accused sexual-predator boss of fake-news “60 Minutes” to do a story on your consensual relationship with TRUMP — oh, the two sexual predators got fired this week? Never mind.
If Hurricane A won’t cooperate, the secret police may have to arrest her until she flips on TRUMP. Set her bail high, boys. Florence is definitely a flight risk.
Can you see how this could be ginned up into the Democrats’ next big nonscandal? There’s big bucks to be made in the fake-news industry, awards to be won. For example, the Post won a Pulitzer Prize this year for what it bragged was its “revelatory examination” of “possible links between the Trump campaign and Kremlin agents.”
The revelations in the revelatory examination were few and far between because there weren’t any “links,” despite the fact that the Post “deeply reported” the deeply false story.
See, when you’re writing about TRUMP, you only need to remember three words to get a book contract, big bucks and lots of phony-baloney awards.
The investigation continues.
Buy Howie’s book “Kennedy Babylon” at howiecarrshow.com.
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