WASHINGTON — Everybody’s got their own list of issues they’d like to hear Trump mention in his inaugural address today.
The Wall, for instance. Of course he’ll talk about ending illegal immigration — that’s a biggie. And Obama’s banana-republic executive orders — the new president must begin rescinding at least some of those unconstitutional decrees this afternoon.
Getting rid of the “Dreamer” executive order would be a good place to start. But that’s just me, you know.
Anyway, here are some other things I’d love for Trump to say at noon today.
“Islamic terrorism! Let me repeat those two words for you. Islamic terrorism. If you’re going to defeat your enemy, you have to be able to identify what it is. Our enemy is Islamic terrorism.
“Obamacare — history! The only reason they called it the Affordable Care Act was because it was unaffordable, and they knew it.
“Law-abiding gun owners — the war against you is over. The Second Amendment is no longer on the table.
“Let me wish everyone here a belated ‘Merry Christmas.’ Those words will be on the White House Christmas card again. Maybe we’ll put ‘Happy Holidays’ on the card, too, but Merry Christmas comes first.
“I’m going to plow under Moochelle’s vegetable garden and make it into a putting green, and in a related development, for all you schoolkids out there — by the fall, your cafeteria food will be edible again. Tofu is on its way out.
“The Internal Revenue Service. Nixon only dreamed of using the IRS to hamstring his political enemies. These birds have been living that dream — our nightmare — for eight years. Lois Lerner should be in prison, and if anyone tries it on my watch, that’s where they’re going to end up. In the slammer.
“This administration will appoint the most qualified people. No more of this PC nonsense about somebody having ‘a compelling life story.’ You know what that means — it’s a quota pick.
“Rules of engagement. Big problem lately. Simple solution: we’re going back to World War II rules of engagement. If ISIS is holed up somewhere, wherever they are is going to be vaporized. And by the way, it’s ISIS, not ISIL.
“No more public funding for NPR or PBS — not one dime! If you want to hear somebody with an English accent running down the U.S., try the BBC.
“Let’s hear it for the Keystone XL Pipeline. Speaking of energy, ‘frack’ is not a four-letter word — and there’s going to be a lot more of it going on around here, including on public lands.
“Press one for English. Press two for English. Press three for English. … Do I make myself clear?
“And finally, how ’bout them Patriots. I mean, I love the Rooneys, and what did I tell you about how guys talk in locker rooms? Thanks for proving my point, Coach Tomlin. But listen, Brady and Belichick were with me when the chips were down. Go Pats. Take the points and take the under. Now let’s go make America great again.
Listen to Howie from 3-7 p.m. on WRKO AM 680.
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