Deval Patrick for what?
How long does POLITICO have to run with this preposterous story before they win the bet?
You can judge the seriousness of the Deval boomlet by POLITICO’s use of the U word — urge. As in, “Obama’s Inner Circle Is Urging Deval Patrick to Run.”
Pols are always being “urged” to run — usually by the guy staring back at them in the mirror every morning.
And this “urging” story came just four days after POLITICO reported that another shameless Massachusetts poseur, Seth Moulton, is being — well, as the headline asked: “Can He Be President?”
The short answer is no.
The POLITICO story even includes a podcast by the writer, one Edward-Isaac Dovere, who seems to have a crush on Small Deval.
“He has taken no moves to make anyone think he is actually running — at least not yet,” Dovere gushes. “That hasn’t stopped the hopes.”
The hopes? Surely he meant to say “hoax.”
This isn’t fake news, it’s fantasy news. And the conventions of the genre require the candidate to assume a faux humble pose — to become the barefoot boy, so to speak, with cheek. Deval is all in.
“There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t remember where I came from.”
That would be the mean streets of the South Side of Chicago, where he was once the victim of a senseless street crime — an empty Coke can bounced off his forehead. Or so he says.
“I’m trying to think about how to be helpful,” says the humble public servant, “because I care about the country, and I’m a patriot first.”
Payroll patriot, that is.
In case you’ve lost track of Small Deval, he’s been “working” at Bain Capital. When Mitt Romney was the Republican face of Bain, it was usually described as the Fourth Reich, an even greater threat to civilization than Halliburton. Now that Deval is there, the alt-left media paints Bain as more benign than NPR.
“He’s kind of a natural to look at,” says consultant David Axelrod, who’s looking for his next meal ticket, “because he was a successful governor.”
Successful governor indeed. Keep your arms out, Axelrod — it’ll make it harder for them to throw the net over you.
But what about the fake Indian? Isn’t Elizabeth Warren running in 2020?
“I love her,” Deval says. “I think she’s fabulous. Most of the time we’re together, we’re trash-talking, actually.”
Where do these fabulous conversations take place? At a cheese shop in Harvard Square?
Deval has been avoiding the political limelight lately. As the state Democrats gathered in Worcester in June, he was hanging out at a different convention — for beekeepers, in Greenfield. He’s an amateur beekeeper — “Remember,” he told his Politico hagiographer, “I’m an amateur.”
He meant in politics, but the same could be said of his career in law. That’s why it took him three tries to pass the bar exam.
Deval’s become a millionaire in what Tom Wolfe’s fictional character Rev. Bacon called “steam control.”
Those short seven-figure stops at Coke and Texaco, the $1.35-million deal for the unreadable book, the kids-gloves treatment from the fake-news media during his eight disastrous years in the Corner Office and now Bain Capital — can somebody say reparations?
For Deval, this trial balloon is just another adjustment on the steam-control valve. I’ll believe he’s serious about running when he shows up at the Iowa State Fair, talking down to the farmers. Dukakis suggested they grow Belgian endive, Obama arugula. One word for you, Deval: kale.
Run, Deval, run. I’m urging you, big time.
Order tickets to Howie’s “Kennedy Babylon” show on the Cape next Sunday at howiecarrshow.com.
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