What this country needs is a fake hate-crime hotline.

That way, if you’re a mourning Hillary voter suddenly overcome with an urge to concoct a fake hate crime, you can avoid tying up 911 and wasting the cops’ time.

Just dial 1-800-555-FAKE. Camera crews and reporters from all the alt-left fake-news outlets will soon arrive to record your tearful recounting of the incident … that never happened.

So now we have the Wellesley College hate-crime hoax, to go along with the 20-year-old guy in Malden who, it turns out, was not attacked by people who do not exist yelling, “This is Trump’s America now!”

Oddly, we seldom learn the names of the “victims” who claim they were attacked. But the poor bastards who get framed for crimes they didn’t commit, or expelled from college — they’re shamed on social media, shunned in polite society and generally treated like members of a UVA fraternity or the Duke lacrosse team.

That’s what I like about this latest NYC fake hate-crime story. This lying coed was actually named — Yasmin Seweid, which is Arabic for Tawana Brawley. And she was arrested — good job, NYPD.

Miss al-Brawley was wearing the traditional hijab so popular in the fake-hate-crime community. She claimed she was attacked on a deserted subway (they’re always deserted) by three white males with booze on their breath yelling “Trump” (always the booze on the breath, always the Trump chant, always white).

Here are a few other headlines about this epidemic of fake hate crimes, and these are just the tip of the iceberg:

New York: Muslim woman admits faking knife-attack hate crime in NYC.

Volusia County, Fla.: Man faked ‘KKK’ hate crime, own kidnapping after lighting car on fire.

Ohio: BG (Bowling Green) police say student lied about politically driven attack.

Lafayette, La.: Muslim student charged for Trump hate crime hoax.

How long will it be before some enterprising lawyer puts an ad on TV: “Are you a white male who voted for Donald Trump? Do you have a ‘MAGA’ baseball cap? Do you drive a pickup truck? Have you had a beer since Nov. 8? … If you answered yes to one or more of the above questions, chances are you will soon find yourself falsely accused of a hate crime! You need proactive legal representation. …”

But it’s not just the fake hate crimes. You should check out the police logs in the weekly newspapers and see the sort of “crimes” that are now being reported. In Northampton, a woman was walking outside the police station at 4:08 (shift change, anyone?) when she saw several white men standing on the sidewalk. One of them said, “Trump’s gonna kick some ass!”

OMG! Call 911!

With great fanfare, Maura Healey, the attorney general, last month turned her attention away from the scourge of scary-looking guns to set up a hate-crime hotline.

On Nov. 29, I had my producer ask her for the hotline meta data. Maura’s flacks are telling reporters they’ve gotten hundreds of calls, but I wanted to see the real numbers, not to mention how many calls have actually resulted in, oh, I don’t know, arrests. Or at least referrals to the local cops.

I last heard from the AG’s office Dec. 9 — “We will notify you as soon as possible of the progress of our review.”

When the phone don’t ring, I’ll know it’s someone from the fake hate crimes hotline.

Howie’s latest novel, Killers, is now available everywhere in paperback.

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(c)2016 the Boston Herald

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