So Barack Obama is in talks with Netflix, The New York Times reports, “to produce a series of high-profile shows that will provide him a global platform after his departure” from relevance last year.
High profile? Global platform? Uh, won’t the ratings determine whether this is really high-profile TV, or just another big payday Obama didn’t come near earning on his own merits, like every other damn thing that’s been handed to him throughout his pampered, indolent life?
Still, imagine the possibilities of Barack Obama providing “exclusive content” and “inspirational stories” for Netflix.
What can I say except to paraphrase one of Dear Leader’s most memorable statements: “If you like your Netflix, you can keep your Netflix.”
What could be more inspirational than tales about one’s family? Obama could do a miniseries about his mother — “I Remember Obamama.” Not to mention his maternal grandmother — “A Typical White Person.”
And then, of course, there are his beloved aunt and uncle, who moved from Kenya to Massachusetts as illegal immigrants to go on welfare and get arrested for drunk driving. They were Dreamers before there were Dreamers — dreaming of living large on the arm, complements of Uncle Sap.
Their stories could be titled “The Man from U.N.C.L.E. Omar” and “Name That Zeituni.”
How about some quiz shows for Netflix’s Obama channel? Given the economy’s parlous state as he departed last year, let’s call one show “The Wheel of Misfortune.” Given the Obama administration’s record for veracity, perhaps Susan Rice could host “To Tell the Truth 2018.”
Speaking of Susan Rice and her lengthy record of prevarications, how about a Biblical epic for next Easter — “Benghazi Hur.”
Don’t you love the History Channel? It’s one of the top-rated cable networks. They say plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery, so maybe Obama can lift the concepts of some of their best shows.
Forget “Pawn Stars.” Obama’s screen gem will be “Con Stars.”
He’s also a history buff. Perhaps he could commission a documentary about the building of what he calls “the Intercontinental Railroad.” Or on the proud history of Navy “corpse-men,” as he pronounces it.
Then he and Michelle can join John Kerry for a tour of the 57 states that Obama identified in his first run for president. Kerry’s second wife’s first husband’s trust fund could even sponsor the series — call it “Heinz 57.”
ESPN is shedding anchors left and right. That leaves an opening for the Obama Channel. He can host his own sports show, riffing on such topics as March Madness — will “Syracus,” as he spells the ACC semi-power, make it off the bubble tonight? And how about those “Nittaly Lions” of Penn State? When is the White Sox’ home opener at “Cominski Field”?
Religious programming brings in billions every year. Think Joel Osteen, or EWTN. Obama could talk about the religious influences on his life, like the Rev. Jeremiah Wright.
Actually, you know, Obama’s going to have to provide 24/7 programming. Why not give the Rev. Wright his own show? ABC’s a.m. agitprop is “Good Morning America.” Rev. Wright can call his program “Good Morning God Damn America.”
Then there’s Obama’s secular mentor, Saul Alinsky. The title for that series is obvious — “Better Call Saul (Alinsky).” Instead of “The Big Lebowski” it could be “The Big Alinsky.”
Animal Planet is another successful cable network. Viewers love animals — think Mr. Ed? Barack should do a remake about a horse of a different color that would match his own political views — Mr. Red.
Remember “This Old House”? To appeal to Obama’s constituents, he could bring it back as “This Old Public Housing Project.”
How about a sitcom or two about some of Obama’s wacky out-of-control agencies — the EPA, the Justice Department running guns to Mexican drug dealers, etc. Long before Lois Lerner blamed the unconstitutional persecutions of Tea Party groups by the IRS on a “rogue office” in Cincinnati, there was a comedy called “WKRP in Cincinnati.”
Stand by for “IRS in Cincinnati.” Bring back Loni Anderson in the role of Lois Lerner. The dialogue is easy. All Lois says is, “I’ll take the Fifth.”
Nothing beats a good spy movie, especially James Bond. Obama can star as his own OO7 — “From Kenya with Love.”
Next let’s remake “Breaking Bad” as “Baraking Bad.”
Then there was “Undercover Boss.” Maybe Obama can go incognito to various small businessmen who’ve been working 70 hours a week for the past 30 years. At the end of the show, he can reveal himself, not as their corporate owner, but as the tax collector. Instead of yelling “You’re fired!” Barack can say, “You didn’t build that!”
Such potential! I do hope Barack gets his own channel, like Howard Stern has on satellite radio. I’ve even got a perfect name for the Barack Channel, but unfortunately Jim Carrey got there first.
Dumb and Dumber.
Buy Howie’s new book, “What Really Happened,” at howiecarrshow.com.
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