You would think, at some point, these people would eventually get tired.
Yet, here we are a year-and-a-half into the Trump era and the wild-eyed, crazed conspiracy theorists are still at it, furiously spinning their extraterrestrial tales of woe.
First, Donald Trump was a Manchurian candidate running as a faux conservative — only to hand the White House over to anti-business, unconstitutional leftists to destroy the country. The economy and the courts would be the first to go. And then we would become Venezuela.
Unprecedented economic expansion? Neil M. Gorsuch? Brett M. Kavanaugh?
For a while it was that Mr. Trump was a serial rapist out to devour an entire gender. But, sadly for these people, they already used up that whole “war on women” canard on Mitt Romney — who, it turned out, did not need any help destroying his own political career on the national stage.
Anyway, their tired old “war on women” arsenal was ringing hollow by then.
So, on to Moscow!
Then it was Russian hookers with excitable bladders. Literally, you could not make this stuff up. Yet, somehow they did.
Breathlessly, they told us all about the Dirty Dossier that would sink the newly elected president perhaps before he was even elected. Manchurian candidate, yes; but working for Russia.
Forget they whole building up the military thing, strengthening NATO, humiliating Russia’s allies and calling out Old Europe for buying gas from Russia. Oh, and those 300 Russian soldiers Mr. Trump killed in Syria earlier this year, that was just window dressing. Really, Mr. Trump is, way deep down, secretly on the Kremlin’s side.
It’s not just left wing Democrats around here peddling these absurd yarns. It’s establishment crazies on both sides of the aisle. It’s the media formerly known as “mainstream.” Now they are all tinfoil-wearing conspiracy kooks who still think people take them seriously.
Isn’t it funny how for all the grief Mr. Trump gets, he never gets credit for inspiring this kind of bipartisanship? You literally have atheists showing up in church these days to pray for their country.
Now come the latest accusations. Mr. Trump’s former lawyer and so-called “fixer” Michael Cohen is turning on his former client. (Very, very special rules will be drawn up to exempt Mr. Cohen from attorney-client privilege so that he can legally destroy the president without losing his law license.)
We are even told that Mr. Cohen has secretly recorded tapes between the two men! Because, of course, attorney-client privilege does not exist if you secretly tape the consultations.
Luckily, the notoriously publicity-averse Mr. Trump decided to respond to the latest “news” that his former lawyer had secret tapes. On Twitter, of course.
“The good news is that your favorite President did nothing wrong!” he declared.
That will bring them to their senses.
• Contact Charles Hurt at email@example.com or on Twitter @charleshurt.
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