The bad news for Anthony Weiner is he’s going to be locked up in the federal pen in Ayer until May 14, 2019.
The good news is his new home at the Graybar Hotel is in a real radio sweet spot — the perv will now have his choice of listening to the Howie Carr Show on at least three, maybe four, different radio stations.
So look on the bright side, Congressman — or should I call you by one of your perv nom de plumes, Carlos Danger, perhaps, or T Dog — you’ll never have to miss the Chump Line again.
Carlos checked into Federal Medical Center Devens on Monday, and he and his lawyer weren’t too happy about the assignment. Probably wanted something closer to New York City, maybe Otisville, 70 miles from T Dog’s sick stomping grounds.
The other plus is that Otisville has a “camp,” which is basically what they call Club Fed — it’s a lot easier doing time at one of the Bureau of Prisons’ camps.
Medium-security Devens has a camp too, but that’s not where T Dog’s headed. See, the BOP has a Sex Offender Treatment Program, and it “is currently available only at FMC Devens, and is an intensive program for male inmates.”
Whatever else the “intensive program” involves, I’m guessing it does not include internet access. At least not for the likes of Carlos Danger.
I tried to find out what good old BOP #79112-054 will be dining on today, but nobody at Devens was even picking up the phone yesterday, let alone responding to emails.
But you can learn something about the Congressman’s new post-Huma Abedin life by visiting the prison website.
Some of the prison rules shouldn’t be a problem, like the one about not bringing in any wedding bands worth more than $100. Or having more than five visitors at one time — what are the odds Carlos will have five visitors total his entire 18 months in stir?
“Do not accept an offer from another inmate to be your protector.”
Easy enough for the warden to say. But Carlos is the kind of pencil-necked geek whose lunch was probably stepped on by the school bully from first grade on. And unfortunately for Weiner, in addition to the pervs, Devens is home to a contingent of aging mobsters.
Devens was the last stop before release for Boston underboss Jerry Angiulo and for Anthony “the Saint” St. Laurent, the constipated Rhode Island wiseguy we called “Public Enema No. 1.”
The remaining Devens wiseguys may be old and sick, but they’re still a lot tougher than Anthony Weiner. So it’s going to be interesting to watch his purchases at the canteen. He may soon develop a hankering for prosciutto, at least if he knows what’s good for him.
Carlos will be rubbing shoulders with at least one other extinguished Democrat lawmaker — ex-Rep. John George of Dartmouth, one of the stickiest-fingered solons on Beacon Hill until the feds decided to open up some of his bank safe-deposit boxes. Rep. George will be living in Ayer until October 2020.
Of course, Carlos can listen to my radio show four hours a day — on a radio he’ll have to buy at the canteen. The screws do five head counts daily, which I mention only because one of them is during my show — at 4 p.m.
“There is NO talking or playing of radios during the count.”
Sorry about that Carlos, but you know, there is a reason why they call it hard time.
Buy Howie’s new book “Kennedy Babylon” at howiecarrshow.com.
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