James Comey needs to go to prison.
Or at least he needs to start thinking he might be in jeopardy of going to prison.
As the president said Friday of the former FBI director, “Some of the things he said just weren’t true.”
And he was under oath when he said them. That could be a problem, especially now that the federal government is open under new management.
If I were running the feds’ probe, the first question I’d want answered is, “Mr. Comey, how many times have you leaked or caused to be leaked to the alt-left media government documents?”
We know he did it once. He’s copped to it. How many times do you get caught doing something — anything — the first time you do it?
“He’s already had to retract earlier false statements he made under oath,” Corey Lewandowski pointed out yesterday on Fox. “I think Jim Comey’s in big trouble. Clearly he’s got some big problems.”
Reality Winner leaked government documents, ditto James Comey. But she’s being held in a Georgia jail cell this weekend without bail, while he’s putting the finishing touches on his $10 million book deal. What’s the difference between the two perps, except that Comey has more kingpins to trade up than Reality?
Still, there’s no reason Comey has to end up in Club Fed. If there was an organizational chart of the Clinton-Obama crime family, Comey’s mugshot would be found somewhere in middle management. Comey can flip. He can deliver Mr. Big … and Ms. Big.
Do you see how this Democrat conspiracy is beginning to come apart, like the old Winter Hill Gang back in 1995? Comey didn’t directly deliver the memo — if indeed there was a memo — to the fake-news media. He used a cut-out, another pajama boy from a Brooklyn hipster neighborhood. A guy by the name of Richman — you may have seen the video of him on YouTube, absolutely petrified while being interviewed on CNN by Anderson Cooper.
Now Richman has vanished. He has taken the advice of Winter Hill hood Sonny Mercurio: “I advocate the lam.”
Do you think Professor Richman will stand up? Nah, me neither.
They’re all running like rats, as Joe Early used to say.
Comey should be called in to answer a few questions for the grand jury. Mr. Comey, you have testified you were ordered by the attorney general to call the criminal investigation of Hillary Clinton a “matter,” in order to falsely “align” the FBI’s narrative with that of the racketeering enterprise dba Hillary for America.
When Comey points the finger at Loretta Lynch, they can lug her, and ask her, under oath, which of the crime family’s caporegimes directed her to tell Comey to dummy up? Ms. Lynch, how could you discuss your grandchildren with Bill Clinton when you don’t have any grandchildren?
When they want to, the feds know how to turn up the heat. And God forbid Comey should ever be convicted of some, uh, process crime, as they like to say. Comey loves to impress irredeemables with his legalese, saying things like he “memorialized” his conversations “contemporaneously.” So let’s continue with the legal mumbo-jumbo. With no priors, after his conviction Comey could ask for probation, but the judge could … “depart from sentencing guidelines.”
Better “lawyer up,” Mr. Comey, to use another of his class’ favorite expressions.
If you ever do have to go to prison, J. Edgar, then they really start turning the screws. To break jailbirds like you, they’ll put you “on the bus,” riding from one Bureau of Prisons facility to another. These rickety old buses have covered windows, and no shock absorbers, and it’s not like Jet Blue — you can’t buy extra-legroom seats. Very uncomfortable, especially if you’re 6-foot-8.
At night they herd you into the nearest BOP lock-up, and serve up some really bad prison slop, and you don’t have any cash to buy something edible in the commissary. And your home prison credit card doesn’t work on the pay phones, so you won’t be able to call any of your alt-left soulmates like Jake Tapper or Chris Matthews to commiserate with.
And I won’t even get into what happens when they really lose patience. Mr. Comey, did you ever hear of something called “the hole”?
But perhaps Comey can cleanse himself of the contempt. Draw up a “proffer,” as to what he’s willing to testify about, and against whom. There’s one requirement, though, which may be very difficult for Comey, perhaps impossible, considering he’s done next to none of it lately.
He’ll have to tell the truth.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
But the road to redemption starts with these simple words:
“Mr. Comey, you have the right to remain silent … ”
Buy Howie’s new book, “Kennedy Babylon: A Century of Scandal and Depravity,” at howiecarrshow.com.
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