The sky is falling! The sky is falling!
Actually, it’s worse than that. Donald Trump is pulling even! Donald Trump is pulling ahead!
You know how sick Hillary Clinton looked being dragged into the van Sunday morning at Ground Zero? That’s how the in-the-satchel Democrat media feel this morning after the last 72 hours of polls.
Trump ahead in Nevada. Trump up by 8 in Iowa. Trump leading in the last three polls in Ohio.
In the belly of the beast — the dinosaur mainstream media — the fear is palpable. The Washington Post: Don’t look now: Donald Trump has all the momentum. The New York Times: How Trump might win. Politico: Time to Face It: Trump Really Could Win This.
Somebody grab their belts and shoelaces. Is there a grief counselor in the house?
Of course we know what happens next. Every pajama-boy pundit worth his scraggly goatee will be demanding that the moderators of the first debate come after Donald Trump like that Jordanian went after the NYPD detective on Broadway last evening — with a meat cleaver to the neck.
If they ever hope to go to another A-list cocktail party in the Hamptons again, by God these moderators better go all Candy Crowley on The Donald. (Not that Candy’s two-on-one-is-Democrat-fun sucker punch on Mitt Romney did her much good. Where is she these days?)
Meanwhile, Hillary returned to the campaign trail yesterday after telling one of her media sycophants, “I’m glad I finally followed my doctor’s orders.”
But what orders would those be? What exactly is, or was, wrong with Hillary Clinton?
First she had the four-minute coughing fit on Labor Day. She said she was allergic to Donald Trump. (OK, that was a joke.) Then they said she always came down with “Labor Day allergies.” Now that was a new one.
That Wednesday, on the campaign plane, she had another coughing fit, this time two minutes. “Seasonal allergies.”
Next was the 9/11 collapse in the sweltering 78-degree heat wave. Her stooges on CNN were denying anything had happened right up until the moment Fox News posted the video.
First they claimed she “overheated.” Then it was “pneumonia.” On Monday her staffers told People she’d given them all colds. But then the story changed again. Now she had “chronic dehydration,” brought on by her dislike for drinking water, the same liquid she’d told Katie Couric in 2008 that she drank “tons” of.
Meanwhile, her husband was asked by CBS News how often she collapses. First he said, “Frequently.” Then he said, “Rarely.” CBS obligingly edited out the “frequently.”
But wait, there’s more. On Wednesday, her doctor said she had “noncontagious pneumonia.” (So why did her staff tell the magazine she’d given it to them?)
That same day out in Nevada, Bill Clinton announced that like millions of Americans, Hillary had “the flu.”
Nothing to see here, folks, move along.
Meanwhile, as they sip their brandies Alexander and write paeans to the glories of transgender bathrooms, the pundits put their faith in Nate Silver, the poll aggregator who says the chances of Trump becoming president are still only 37 percent.
Nate Silver is never wrong, after all. He’s the guy who said in July 2015 that Trump had “a better chance of playing in the NBA finals” than winning the Republican nomination.
Nate Silver — the guy the common nightwalkers of the mainstream media are pinning their dreams on. What could possibly go wrong?
Listen to Howie 3-7 p.m. weekdays on WRKO AM 680.
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