The Moakley federal courthouse is being turned into a wedding chapel for illegal immigrant criminals desperately trying to avoid deportation from the promised land of EBT cards, Section 8 housing, Mass Health cards and Obamaphones.
Last week in a U.S. District courtroom, an illegal immigrant unlicensed alleged drunk driver was married to his “fiancee,” who happens to be the mother of his 21-month-old anchor baby in, where else, Chelsea.
This week, it gets even more absurd — the “advocates” want to have a photographer in a federal courtroom to take pictures of the next lovely illegal immigrant couple, or two, or three.
I am not making this up.
“It seems unimaginable that there should be no photographic record of a modern marriage,” a “freelance news reporter” from Cambridge named John A. Hawkinson wrote to Judge Mark Wolf late last week. “Often considered the defining moment in a person’s life, to have no visual record of that moment in time seems injurious to human sentimentality, needlessly harsh and at odds with the societal standards of marriage.”
Funny how seldom these illegal immigrants consider marriage when they impregnate their girlfriends. Because if you’re married, you’re supposed to support your own offspring, rather than leave the back-breaking job to law-abiding citizens. However, faced with the prospect of deportation back to a country where they might actually have to support themselves, on rare occasions the illegal immigrants decide to tie the knot.
Hey, it beats working.
So you read about this illegal immigrant from El Salvador, Jaime Antonio Alvarez Figueroa. He’s locked up at the Plymouth House of Correction after his arrest for drunk driving with no license (stop me if you’ve heard this one before).
Suddenly he decides to marry his girlfriend, Tatiana Chavez Vanegas, who is seeking “asylum.”
The alleged drunk driver’s lawyer wrote to the judge: “It is important for his immigration case because he will be granted derivative asylum status should Ms. Chavez Vanegas be granted asylum” and remain together.
There is of course another way they can remain together — just go back to El Salvador and support themselves. No problemo.
But no, this alleged drunk-driving jailbird illegal immigrant is desperate to become a “derivative asylee” — you know, like the Tsarnaevs, the Muslim terrorists who bombed the Boston Marathon. Those derivative asylees were so oppressed by living on welfare all those years that they couldn’t return to their Third World homeland, except to get terrorist training for six months at a time.
The illegal immigrant lovebirds could have gotten married down at the jail. But they would have had to wait five months, until September.
“A delay of five months” wrote Judge Patti Saris, a Clinton appointee, “is unreasonable.”
Yes, because he would have been deported by then.
All in all, it was a big week at the courthouse for El Salvadoreans who commit crimes in Chelsea. An MS-13 gangbanger named David “Cilindro” Lopez was sentenced to 20 years for the attempted murder of a gangbanger he shot six times after another “migrant” had stabbed the victim 21 times.
“As a reward for his violence,” the feds’ sentencing memo read, “MS-13 promoted Lopez to ‘homeboy’ for his May 2014 attempted murder.”
This raises an interesting point. If we’re going to accommodate all these quaint Central American customs like drunk driving without licenses and machete slayings, why stop with welfare-protecting weddings at the courthouse? Why wasn’t gangbanger Cilindro allowed to attend his MS-13 initiation before he was carted off to prison?
That brings us back to the case of Dos Santos v. Nielsen, and the request to have a wedding photographer at Tuesday’s illegal immigrant courthouse nuptials. The decision on those festivities will be made by Judge Mark Wolf.
“While it would be uncharitable not to congratulate the newlyweds,” U.S. Attorney Andrew Lelling said Friday night, “we don’t support impromptu weddings during federal court proceedings just so ICE detainees can better fight deportation.”
Which is why Wolf, even though he’s a Ronald Reagan appointee, will probably allow both the wedding and photographers in the courtroom. Anything to thumb their noses at Donald Trump, that’s how most federal judges think. Why not postpone the next wedding until Wednesday, when the trial of Mafia boss Cadillac Frank Salemme begins in the same courthouse.
Maybe Cadillac Frank can serve as best man. The witnesses can be gangsters Stevie “The Rifleman” Flemmi and Bobby DeLuca.
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