You have to pity the bombshell-shocked American citizen trying to take seriously all the “shocking,” “stunning” and “bombshell” news coming out of Washington these days.
It is a little maddening — though mostly amusing — watching Rachel Maddow and the breathless news wags on MSNBC and CNN contorting themselves during interviews with greasy “witnesses” to supposedly nefarious behavior in Ukraine as to why exactly what they are claiming is so important and damning.
Or, “bombshell!,” as they like to say. And, certainly, “impeachable!”
HINT: If it takes exhaustive and complicated explanations to pinpoint precisely why something is a “bombshell,” then it is not a “bombshell.” That is the point of a “bombshell.” It is so powerful that it does not need to come wrapped in complicated explanations.
But there is no rabbit hole these people will not venture down in pursuit of President Trump. There is no zany conspiracy theory they will not gulp down to keep the party going. And there is no arcane strip of federal code from centuries gone by that they won’t dust off to construct their rickety case for impeachment.
Just ask Rep. Adam B. Schiff, the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence chairman and a newly ordained impeachment manager. He got thoroughly snookered by a couple of gonzo radio goofs pretending to be Ukrainians with naked pictures of Mr. Trump.
Of course, the raunchy pervert happily went along — anything to get his grubby little hands on nudie pictures of Mr. Trump. It really is astonishing that these people are taken seriously anywhere outside the peep-show booths that used to populate Times Square.
But these days, in the salons of CNN and MSNBC, they are treated like hallowed oracles.
Remember Michael Avenatti? The sleazy lawyer that former journalists at CNN and MSNBC were just a year ago breathlessly pitching as the next Democratic presidential nominee? The moral juggernaut who could really take down Mr. Trump?
Yeah, well he got arrested and tossed in the clink this week — again! — over his actual conspiracies to defraud others, including the celebrated adult film star client whom he rode to fame and cable news celebrity.
It is actually hard not to begrudgingly admire these people for their complete lack of shame. I mean, just think of all the lies you could have gotten away with and all the money you could have stolen if you were as utterly devoid of conscience as these people.
Their latest star witness is Lev Parnas, all greased up for his prime-time interview with Rachel Maddow. I do have to say, where does Rudolph W. Giuliani find these characters?
Unsurprisingly, Mr. Parnas is charged with violations of federal campaign finance laws — despite supposedly being thick as thieves with Mr. Trump and Attorney General William Barr, whose Justice Department charged Mr. Parnas for federal crimes.
Also unsurprisingly, Mr. Parnas under indictment has turned on his former allies. Which is why he was sitting with Ms. Maddow. When he was not spinning complex webs of unsubstantiated claims about Mr. Trump and Mr. Barr, he was watching Ms. Maddow weave even more complex webs explaining how everything was a “bombshell.”
Watching it was like arriving late at a huge party where everybody has been drinking for hours and clearly a few of the ringleaders are doing way more than just drinking and you are stone-cold sober. Trying to follow along. It is difficult.
• Charles Hurt can be reached at email@example.com and on Twitter on @charleshurt.
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