Late-night hosts on Wednesday discussed the Trump administration’s policy of separating migrant children from their parents at the border and the aftermath of Roseanne Barr’s racist tweet about Valerie Jarrett.
Samantha Bee: ‘We’ve had awful immigration practices since always’
Samantha Bee began: “We are going to talk about racism: I just popped an Ambien, so buckle up, everyone.”
Samantha Bee: “You know, Ivanka, that’s a beautiful photo of you and your child, but let me just say, one mother to another, do something about your dad’s immigration practices, you feckless cunt.”
Bee showed a news segment about migrant children being taken into government custody at the border, and the Department of Justice’s plan to prosecute 100% of people crossing the border illegally, including asylum seekers and undocumented workers.
Bee said: “Tearing children away from their parents is so evil, it’s the inciting incident in almost every movie we’ve ever cared about. According to haunted marionette Jeff Sessions, these babies are actually baby criminals.”
In a clip Bee played, Sessions, the attorney general, said: “If you don’t want your child to be separated, then don’t bring them across the border illegally. It’s not our fault.”
Bee continued: “Don’t worry. The Trump administration has a really good explanation for why they’re treating migrants like animals. It was all Obama’s idea!” She then showed pundits claiming that it was the Obama administration that instituted the policy of separating migrant children from their parents.
Bee replied: “They’re half right. We have had awful immigration practices since, well, always, even under presidents we like seeing shirtless. A recent report from the ACLU describes hundreds of abuses of migrant children while in custody of the US government during the Obama administration. And just last week, this image circulated of children being kept in an Arizona holding facility in 2014.”
Bee said: “No, Donald Trump didn’t invent this issue, he’s just making it so much worse. Now everyone who even approaches the border is treated like a criminal.
She continued: “So now, after decades of ignoring the issue, Americans are finally paying attention. Well, most of us. Ivanka Trump, who works at the White House, chose to post the second most oblivious tweet we’ve seen this week.”
Bee, showing a photo Trump posted of her and her son, addressed the president’s daughter directly: “You know, Ivanka, that’s a beautiful photo of you and your child, but let me just say, one mother to another, do something about your dad’s immigration practices, you feckless cunt.”
Bee added: “He listens to you. Put on something tight and low-cut and tell your father to fucking stop it.”
Trevor Noah: ‘Reboot Family Matters with a super-woke Steve Urkel’
Meanwhile, Comedy Central’s Trevor Noah discussed the cancellation of Roseanne Barr’s sitcom.
Noah said: “By now, we all know that Roseanne was fired for tweeting that former Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett was the birth child of the Muslim Brotherhood and the Planet of the Apes. Many people applauded ABC for reacting swiftly and cancelling Roseanne. Personally, I think ABC could do more. I think they could go one step further and reboot Family Matters with a super-woke Steve Urkel.”
He went on: “Roseanne getting fired wasn’t a shock because, let’s be honest, comparing a black person to an ape is what I like to all ‘****-your-pants’ racism. Even the anti-PC brigade agreed Roseanne had gone too far.”
The host then showed coverage of Roseanne’s remarks on Fox News, where she was condemned by Sean Hannity, Jesse Watters and the hosts of Fox & Friends.
“Comparing a black person to an ape is what I call ‘****-your-pants racism.’ Everyone can smell it, everyone can see it, and nobody wants to help you clean it up.”
"Comparing a black person to an ape is what I call 'shit-your-pants racism.' Everyone can smell it, everyone can see it, and nobody wants to help you clean it up."
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) May 31, 2018
Noah said: “After this, Roseanne apologized on Twitter and said the reason she tweeted those racist things was because she was on Ambien and it was Memorial Day. In Roseanne’s defense, tweeting stuff that is racist while you’re on Ambien I do understand, because if you listen carefully to their ads there is a subtle warning about just this thing.”
The host then showed a mock advertisement for Ambien, “for a good night’s sleep and potential racism”.
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