Leave no gender behind!
I’m going to nominate Rep. Jim Lyons for a Profiles in Courage Award.
You’ve heard of No Child Left Behind? Well, on Tuesday night, in the waning moments of the legislative session, the Republican from Andover took a stand for America’s newest civil-rights movement.
No Gender Left Behind.
The smugger-than-thou PC Democrats at the State House were trying to add a third “gender” to the Massachusetts driver’s license — Gender X.
But of course, as everyone knows, or would know, if they were “woke,” there are an infinite number of genders — literally. Ask any two-spirit that you know. Every neutrois understands this, you damn ‘phobes!
Since all Democrats must admit that the number of genders is endless, how dare the commonwealth lump all the new genders together as “Gender X”?
“Separate but equal” — that’s what it by God sounded like to Rep. Jim Lyons. And he was willing to put his shod foot down. Hate Has No Home Here. Not on His Watch. Lyons decided to take a stand against Gender Jim Crow.
Every gender, he declared, must be listed on Massachusetts driver’s licenses! That was Lyons’ non-negotiable demand. No justice, no peace.
Doesn’t it say in the Declaration of Independence, “All genders are created equal”? Well, something like that.
Next question: How many genders are there? New York City under Mayor Bill de Blasio once ruled there are 31 — easy to remember, because it’s same number as Baskin-Robbins ice cream flavors.
Then the number began creeping upwards, getting close to Heinz’ 57 Varieties. Genders seem to be reproducing like amoebae, dividing and subdividing, trans to transsexual to trans man to trans male to trans person …
Sitting in the House chambers late Tuesday night, with the clock ticking down on the session, Lyons took out his smartphone and arrived at the latest updated number of genders: 73.
I asked Lyons Friday where he found his new number 73.
“Facebook,” he said.
Of course. If Facebook said it, it must be so.
Jim Lyons is often described as an arch-conservative. After all, he is the rep who a few years back forced the state to admit that it annually doled out $1.8 billion in welfare payments to illegal immigrants. The Democrats have never forgiven him for that.
The “Gender X” bill was being pushed, big time, by the new Senate president, Karen Spilka. She’s assumed the role not long after the disgraced Stan Rosenberg, who, ahem, married a Pee-wee Herman look-alike 38 years his junior, a dodgy lad who has since been indicted on multiple counts of sexual assault and pornography.
All of which are major resume-enhancers in the modern Democrat party. Realizing she had very big shoes to fill in the virtue-signaling department, Spilka came up with her bill, S. 2562, which would have enshrined a third gender, “X,” in the Mass. General Laws.
But then Lyons called her bluff. And the legislative leadership couldn’t rule any of his gender amendments out of order as absurd, because if they did, it would be giving away the game. They would be admitting that the “X”-ercise was preposterous on its face.
Lyons began filing his affirmative-action amendments. Number 6 added as a gender “cis.” Amendment 9 — cis female, 13 — cis woman, 14 — cisgender female, 18 — cisgender woman …
By now, on the floor of the House, puzzled Democrats were coming up to Lyons, asking him what he was doing.
We can’t discriminate, he archly informed them. This is Massachusetts. Gender is an evolving paradigm, to coin a phrase. All genders must be protected. Equal protection under the law.
Amendment 21 — gender fluid, 22 gender non-conforming, 23 gender questioning, 25 gender variant, 26 genderqueer …
In all, 73 genders, 73 amendments to Spilka’s bill.
Under House rules, Lyons would have 10 minutes to debate each gender he proposed to add to the driver’s license. And then three minutes for a roll call vote, 73 times.
The leadership was beat. By midnight, they needed to pass legislation — real bills, not this PC nonsense, but their actual business, land takings and the like.
If Lyons insisted on going full Social Justice Warrior, there would no time for reality.
He had already filed 35 of his 73 amendments — six hours’ worth of debates and votes — when leadership threw in the towel. They ordered Gender X back … into the closet.
It was 10:45. By now, the few remaining sane Democrats in the Legislature realized that Lyons had done them a solid, sparing them from being recorded on a roll call vote on whether to recognize the genders of pangender, polygender and cisgender, not to mention intersex, intersex man, intersex woman and intersex person …
Personally, I’m glad S. 2562 is back in the closet, because it’s obvious what the two-spirit community’s next demand would have been — listing all 73 genders on the actual licenses.
As Lyons left the chambers, a very confused reporter asked him why he’d done such a thing to Gender X.
Lyons says he glared back at the scribe.
“Are you saying you want to leave some genders behind?”
Jim Lyons — he did it for the children.
Buy Howie’s book “Kennedy Babylon” at howiecarrshow.com.
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