John Kerry: Reporting for Duty, Again
John Forbes Kerry — how can we miss him when he won’t go away?
It’s laughable, this talk of Liveshot wanting to run in 2020, but is anyone really surprised? He still truly believes he was robbed in 2004 by those Diebold voting machines in Ohio. Dammit, He deserved to be president — his initials, after all, are JFK! Just ask him.
So many questions …
Is this trial balloon real, Mr. Secretary, or is it another one of your “botched jokes”?
Does this mean that Lt. (j.g.) John Kerry is reporting for doody, I mean duty, again?
Is it true that you were you not running for president before you were running for president?
Will you be reuniting the 2004 dream team with John Edwards, or is he too busy with his ambulance chasing and writing child-support checks to his baby mama?
Can I get me a Kerry 2020 bumper sticker here?
Please don’t tell me this means we have to host another wretched national convention in Boston.
Have you paid the excise taxes for your new downsized yacht on Martha’s Vineyard yet?
Will you be flying to Florida in a few weeks to see “Manny Ortez” in spring training?
Are you still “fascinated by rap”?
Have you figured out yet how to meet that 53-year-old widow from Chicopee who won the $758 million Powerball drawing last summer?
Does your upcoming run for president mean that you’re unavailable to play the role of Thurston Howell III in the new movie, “Return to Gilligan’s Island”?
Have you ever been able to remember the year you ran the Boston Marathon?
This wonderful news first appeared in an Israeli newspaper. Supposedly, the Toast of Tehran was telling some Arabs to hang in there because Trump would soon be gone and the Democrats could get back to appeasing bloodthirsty Muslim terrorists in the Mideast again.
But the money quote from Kerry was that “he was seriously considering running for president in 2020. When asked about his advanced age, he said he was not much older than Trump and would not have an age problem.”
How about a charisma problem? Or competence?
Is it a coincidence that this news breaks the same week that all the Beautiful People are jetting into Davos? Kerry watches all those private jets with all those billionaires so terribly concerned about global warming and he thinks — what about me? Why haven’t I been invited to denounce the carbon footprints of all the deplorable Trump voters? Where’s my private jet?
HBO has a new documentary out about the last months of Obama’s reign of error in foreign affairs.
One of the stars is Obama pajama boy Ben Rhodes, a trust-funded aspiring novella writer. Rhodes, who drove a bus for Obama during the 2008 Iowa caucuses, was apparently the real secretary of state. From the National Review: “Rhodes is seen giving orders to Kerry and telling him how many questions he’s allowed to answer — two. Kerry spends much of the film flitting around trying to look useful.”
Actually, that’s how he’s spent the last 74 years — flitting around trying to look useful. So far he hasn’t succeeded.
“On a visit to Greenland,” National Review continues, “he says, ‘This is seeing firsthand things I’ve read about and I think it’ll make me a more urgent advocate.’ ”
By the way, the title of this new documentary is “The Final Year.”
Only, of course, in the case of John Kerry, it never is.
Order Howie’s new book, “Kennedy Babylon,” at howiecarrshow.com.
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