angelus
09-07-2003, 10:28 PM
The 10 Commandments: New and Improved for the Liberally Correct
The Ten Commandments now have no place in our legal system, according to some tyrannical, I mean, “enlightened judges.” Apparently, it’s offensive to the minority, so we must bow down to them and appease them. We must sacrifice the majority, because in this country, majorities are evil. But only if that majority is one of Christians.
In order to get these Commandments back into the courts, they must be revised. Only then will they pass muster with the Leftist judges and the ACLU (Atheistic Criminal Liberal Union). So here they are, the new and improved Ten Commandments. Heck, I’ll even change the title:
The Ten Guidelines That You May Follow, But Only if You Wish.
1. You shall have no God.
2. You shall not make any graven image, or photograph, of any non-nude woman.
3. You shall not take the name of the Supreme Court in vain.
4. Remember Election Day. And vote Democratic.
5. Honor your children, and never invade their privacy. But we’ll still blame you if they kill a bunch of schoolmates.
6. You shall only murder the unborn.
7. You shall not think adultery is wrong.
8. You shall not steal. That is the job of the government. But we will still call them “taxes”.
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor, unless your neighbor is a Christian, Republican, or both. Then it’s no holds barred to get your neighbor in jail.
10. You shall not covet anything. We’ll just take it from you anyway.
There, that ought to pass muster with the ACLU, Left, and some other anti-Christian groups. Maybe those commandments can make it into our courts. Or, excuse me, those guidelines.
(Note: If you could not gather that this was satire, I pity you. No, really, I do.)
Tony Lemaster
TLemaster@yconservat ives.com
Chief Contributor our of Ohio
Young Conservatives
The Ten Commandments now have no place in our legal system, according to some tyrannical, I mean, “enlightened judges.” Apparently, it’s offensive to the minority, so we must bow down to them and appease them. We must sacrifice the majority, because in this country, majorities are evil. But only if that majority is one of Christians.
In order to get these Commandments back into the courts, they must be revised. Only then will they pass muster with the Leftist judges and the ACLU (Atheistic Criminal Liberal Union). So here they are, the new and improved Ten Commandments. Heck, I’ll even change the title:
The Ten Guidelines That You May Follow, But Only if You Wish.
1. You shall have no God.
2. You shall not make any graven image, or photograph, of any non-nude woman.
3. You shall not take the name of the Supreme Court in vain.
4. Remember Election Day. And vote Democratic.
5. Honor your children, and never invade their privacy. But we’ll still blame you if they kill a bunch of schoolmates.
6. You shall only murder the unborn.
7. You shall not think adultery is wrong.
8. You shall not steal. That is the job of the government. But we will still call them “taxes”.
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor, unless your neighbor is a Christian, Republican, or both. Then it’s no holds barred to get your neighbor in jail.
10. You shall not covet anything. We’ll just take it from you anyway.
There, that ought to pass muster with the ACLU, Left, and some other anti-Christian groups. Maybe those commandments can make it into our courts. Or, excuse me, those guidelines.
(Note: If you could not gather that this was satire, I pity you. No, really, I do.)
Tony Lemaster
TLemaster@yconservat ives.com
Chief Contributor our of Ohio
Young Conservatives