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Star Wars II: The Hype Strikes Back
By Mike Bayham
May 16, 2002

During my childhood I, along with tens of millions of other American children, was obsessed with Star Wars. I had most of the toys and had seen all three of the movies so many times that I could have given a presentation on them. But like all things that appeal to a kid, my interest in Star Wars began to wane.

In 1999 I suffered a relapse with the return of the George Lucas series to the big screen (I do not recognize the replaying of the same movie with minimal enhancement as the return). When I was in grammar school, I remembered seeing on the news dozens of people camped out in front of movie theatres around New Orleans in order to see Return of the Jedi on opening day. My parents thought they were crazy for sleeping in tents and insulated bags having to endure the arduous elements of New Orleans just to see a movie. I, on the other hand, envied them.

So when the advance tickets went on sale for Episode I, I decided to live a piece of my childhood that I was denied by showing up in line at the theatre at 5 in the morning the day tickets went on sale. The slice of humanity I encountered while in line would have been a sociologist's dream focus group. There were people dressed in full Star Wars regalia, one group at the front of the line had been camped out for days and had brought with them several big screen televisions, personal computers (not lap tops but the big stations), laser disc and DVD players in addition to several pieces of indoor furniture. Another group of people had "liberated" a picnic table from a nearby park to play cards on while biding their time. The only consistent pattern I noticed was that the further back one was in the line, the more normalthey were.

Despite the number of eccentric folk present, there were only two people whom I wished to inflict bodily harm. One was an older gentleman who made a big deal out of reading the novelization of the movie while in line to buy tickets to it and the other was a younger person adorned from head to toe in white who was hopping up and down the entire time screaming and yelling about the movie. I had the feeling that this rambunctious geek had spent the better part of his middle school days surrendering his lunch money to brigands less formidable than Greedo.

At 4 PM the line moved and at 4:30 PM, I bought the full amount tickets a person was allowed to purchase, that being twelve, as a favor to some friends.

The movie ended up being seriously panned by die hard Star Wars fans and movie critics. The recipient of most of the ill comments was the George Lucas' combination of Goofy with the vernacular of Bob Marley named Jar Jar Binks. There were other complaints including the inclusion of too many special effects which made the science fiction movie look too surreal (or cartoonish), Anakin Skywalker behaving more like Macauley Culkin from Home Alone instead of the future Lord of the Sith, that the movie's style deviated too far away from the essence of the first (second) trilogy in its grossly overt appeal to a children's audience, and finally that Mr. Binks was not beheaded before the movie ended by Darth Maul and his double edged light saber. Of these critiques, I subscribe to most, especially the last one.

Lucas admitted that becoming a father changed his perspective and style. I somewhat concur with his assesment but I would like to also offer the explanation that he was looking to double the fortune he made from toys and merchandising from the previous trilogy (aka my generation) by aggressively appealing to a younger audience with characters that would appeal to children who would in turn extort these toys from their parents in exchange for a pledge of good behavior. Also, it was apparent that he became out of touch with his previous work. The tone and arrangement of the movie was totally different in which the new film resembled a quilt composed of thrown together patches of scenes instead of a well spun tale.

One area where there is proof of the lack of creative thought that went into the film can be seen in the language used by the characters. All of them spoke English with foreign accents. In the first Star Wars movies, many of the characters spoke bizarre languages that required either subtitles or the presence of robot wuss extraordinaire C3-PO in order to translate. In Episode I, the bad guys with the embargo spoke with a Japanese accent (and even dressed like something out of a Kurosawa film), Jar Jar Binks spoke like a Jamaican, and Watto the junk dealer clearly had an Italian accent and one could argue an unflattering stereotypical Italian physique.

There was something else I noticed (hint: here is where I go political on Lucas' motion picture Frankenstein). Lucas got liberal in the new movie.

The obvious bad guys in the movie are collectively known as the "Trade Federation" which sounds more like a galactic version of the pro-business Chamber of Commerce or LABI. Then there is the scene where the embattled Clinton based character Chancellor Varlorum, played by Terrence Stamp of Superman II General Zod fame, who is having trouble with the Star Wars version of Congress. The corruption of the Republic is traced to the influence of lobbyists (stated as such), a hint for the need of intergalactic campaign finance reform.

The well intended yet besieged Chancellor is then impeached (referred to in the movie as losing a no confidence vote), though for a different kind of intern-al reason, and replaced by the law and order advocate Senator Palpatine. Two of the aggressors in the movie are named Nute Gunray and Lott Dodd. The latter being described on the official Star Wars website as a "filibustering blowhard of a politician." Obviously the references are towards former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich and then Majority Leader Trent Lott. One has to wonder with such implied slams at the GOP why George Lucas didn't go the whole nine yards and insert the initial "W" in Darth Sidious' name.

And then there is the evidence of a kinder, gentler Star Wars series in which the action scenes were lacking. The stormtroopers were far more menacing than the Trade Federation droids who were more comedy relief than an enemy. The part where the Queen of Naboo and her entourage was taken prisoner was a departure from pervious confrontations in which they were merely sent to be "processed" (the Trade Federation's version of Time Out?) instead of shot. I vividly recall the scene the Stormtroopers left behind when they paid Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru a house call in the first with their skeletons still smoking upon Luke's arrival at the scene. During the break between the trilogies, Lucas got soft on the same stuff that made him famous.

Even with the harsh criticism, George Lucas made a killing (the only violence I can think of aside from the Darth Maul fight scenes) at the box office. Lucas also reaped a fortune on the merchandising front, though I bet it was not as much as he hoped. The movie did not live up to its hype and the paced, methodical release of many of the toys connected to the movies probably backfired. Discounting the "bureaucRATS" like hidden messages in the film and the lack of a painful and miserable death to Jar Jar, the movie was not that bad. It just wasn't that Star Wars either.

On Wednesday night at 11:59 PM, Mr. Lucas will have an opportunity to redeem himself with the release of Episode II: The Attack of the Clones. I, and the legions of others who used to own an At-At, am hoping that there will be an actual attack in the movie and that the subtle political advocacy be kept at a bare minimum. I will not be a happy Jedi if I see Darth Sidious being portrayed as evil because he does not recycle or to find out that part of Count Dooku's nefarious scheme includes setting off aerosol cans or ripping up styrofoam.

Even if his latest film also falls short in the minds of fans, Lucas will make enough money to take the state of Idaho out to dinner. Expectations are apparently lower for this movie as is anticipation. The celebrated camp outs that greeted Return of the Jedi and Phantom Menace were curtailed. I did not even realize that the tickets were on sale for the new installment until two days after they were available for purchase and then I had the option of buying a better ticket three days late than I did when I was there 9 hours early in 1999. The only sellout as of last Saturday was for the midnight showing, with the hyperactive fan from three years ago no doubt being in that number.

But the lack of fanfare for The Attack of the Clones could be what the Jedi Council over at the Skywalker Ranch wants. George Lucas has the same advantage going into Star Wars II that Bill Clinton had going into the 1992 New Hampshire primary: reduced expectations.

We shall see if Episode II will mark the return to the Force of the old trilogy or a continuation of the "Farce" from Episode I.