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It's a Matter of Parenting: The Twixters
By Kay R. Daly
January 18, 2005

During this week's inaugural celebration, it is possible to bask in the warm glow of Republicans, pleased with their victory and determined to push the agenda forward in the second Bush term. There is much work to be done. In fact, there some arenas, in which liberals have made tremendous strides without Republicans taking too much notice.

This week's Time magazine cover story (website), for instance, chronicles the rise of "the Twixters", a new sociological category to describe those 18 to 29 year olds who are essentially putting off the responsibility of adulthood. It is not simply that these young people are not getting married anymore at age 21 and having children at age 22. They are taking far more time to complete college and even if they do complete undergraduate or even graduate degrees, they hang out at Mom and Dad's house for years while sampling a variety of jobs.

Because most of the essentials such as food, rent, electricity, etc. are paid for by the parents, these kids use their limited income for discretionary spending. A flat screen television, it seems, takes priority over getting an apartment and growing up. Besides, I'll bet Mom does a great load of laundry and makes a mean lasagna.

Apparently years of instant gratification, whether through the endless barrage of video games or parents wracked by guilt over divorce or time-consuming careers, has now taken its toll on this generation of children in more ways than one. And while conservatives weren't watching, the liberals have almost completely dominated child-rearing philosophies today. Many conservative parents who can beautifully articulate the most intricate conservative philosophy are almost completely blind to the liberal claptrap that has infected their child-rearing practices. Both parents and their children are paying quite a price for it now.

For example, according to the Time magazine piece, there are twice as many young people 18-29 living at home than in the 1970s. About 23% polled say they were 24 years old or older when they finished college. One-quarter of those polled have lived in more than three places in the past five years and close to half claim to have had two, three or even six or more jobs in the past three years.

Reading the "Time" article, all kinds of external excuses are given for the Twixter's Peter Pan syndrome. From an unfriendly job market, to declining wages for devalued college degrees, to massive college debt, it is a cold, cruel world for these poor put-upon souls.

There are actually some interesting suggestions as a post-script article to the main piece, such as stop indulging the little darlings and actually talk with your children about the future and their career aspirations beyond permanent college student status. But then the suggestions return to the standard liberal notion that "tough love" generally won't work and may harm their delicate psyches.

Wrong answer, try again.

It is way past time for these parents to grow up themselves and take control of their own households. As my mother used to say, "So long as your boots are under my table, you will live under my rules." Some of these children are calling the shots at home and so there won't be a fuss, the parents foolishly acquiesce. This starts, by the way, from the time a parent holds their newborn child until the parents are lowered into their graves. Every whim, every temper tantrum, every tiny desire is indulged, smoothed over and soothed to the point that children have absolutely no coping skills for the trials of life whatsoever.

Even the simplest rules make all the difference in the world. Here are some examples:

Sleeping through the night. Rather than running to them with a bottle or a breast every time they whimper, get to know what their cries mean. Are they too warm, too cold, gassy, getting sick, wrapped too tightly in a blanket, enveloped in a dirty diaper, teething or bored? What are the actual signs of your child's hunger?

First-time obey. When Mom or Dad asks their child to do something, there should be no whining, back talk or discussion. Promising consequences after multiple violations of requests give children a sense of inconsistency and they end up disrespecting parental authority. They obey. Preferably with a cheerful "Yes, ma'am" or "yes, sir." Non-negotiable.

It is the little things that really do matter. Little children should not be allowed to carry around the remote control to the television or the cordless phone. Those are adult privileges. If they like keys, remotes and phones, get them little toy replicas. The real ones are Mom's and Dad's and not for children. Trust me, you'll avoid much heartache by nipping this one in the bud.

Scheduling is important. Regular schedules give a child comfort because they know what comes next and there is no uncertainly.

No matter what your socio-economic level, teach your children the value of money. If you believe your child should have a cell phone, have them pay for the bills out of their monthly allowance. If they can't pay for it, cut it off. If your teenager has a car, have them pay for the insurance and the gas out of their monthly allowance. No insurance or gas, then no car. Bus passes are still available these days. As they display competence with basic budgeting, more privileges can be added.

Make your college student take at least two, preferably four semesters of accounting no matter what their major is. It will be painful (unless they are accounting majors) but they will use this course more than any of the completely useless theoretical garbage they are semi-absorbing in their classes.

These are but a few of the smallest suggestions that could make all the difference in the world in later years. Encouraging responsibility, independence, civility, ambition and a strong sense of values is critical. Young people today seem to be more interested in where the next party is rather than where the next paycheck is coming from.

With parents having children later in life, it is more important than ever that the next generation is raised prepared to take care of their parents. Having children later may have its benefits, but it also means that the parents are not going to be around as long.

The great irony is that kids today should be raised with more of a sense of responsibility rather than less. Merely enduring the death of one's parents requires maturity, much less managing the myriad of financial and legal details that invariably follows. To read the self-indulgent quotes that litter the Time article, it is doubtful that much has been required of these young people in their time on Earth.

There was a time when nearly every male teenager in America went half a world away to fight a world war. Mind you, they had just lived through the Great Depression as well. And usually, they left a fiancé or a new bride at home. No email. No phone calls. Maybe a few letters home several months after they have been penned.

Rather than letting adversity defeat them, it seemed to build character instead. Listening to most teenagers today, it becomes readily apparent that their idea of adversity is owning a cell phone without text messaging.

A word to the wise here. Just about 95% of what is published online and in books on raising children is alarmingly liberal. It is certainly convenient and helpful to the parents and it sounds imminently reasonable. But most of the so-called advice establishes patterns and habits that are nearly unbreakable by the time the worst damage manifests itself in the teenage years.

Instead, curl up with a good book by Dr. James Dobson (web site) for a rare conservative approach to parenting.

Why is this all of this important? Because for all of the high-minded public policy wrangling that goes on, many concerns about the future could be alleviated if only our children could survive the prosperity we lavish upon them. And if that doesn't convince you then just remember that it is your little darlings who will pick out your nursing home for you in your old age. That should keep you awake at night if nothing else does.

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Note -- The opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, views, and/or philosophy of GOPUSA.