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It's become increasingly difficult to hold rational discussions with those who regard the Constitution of the United States (web site) as a "living document," subject to change without having to go through the bother of voting. It sometimes seems as though most liberals have never read the Constitution, or at any rate not understood it. They persist in reading things into it that the Founders never intended, nor would have considered likely in their day.

The process for amending the Constitution is simple and clear, as laid out in Article V -- a vote of two-thirds of both the House of Representatives and the Senate, followed by ratification by three-fourths of the various state legislatures. Yet activist judges continually seek ways to alter or read the Constitution so as to find support for their agenda, and most of those judges are liberal. While conservative activism is just as bad, it is far less common, as most conservatives believe the Constitution should be used to judge the validity of the law, not the law used to undermine the integrity of the Constitution.

Nevetheless, liberals seem to see things, especially in the Bill of Rights, (web site) that the rest of us just cannot find there. If federal-level "rights" like abortion and gay "marriage" were specifically enumerated as liberals insist they were, they must have been secretly written on the back of the original document in lemon juice, just before it was ratified in 1791. Liberals must, therefore, have their own version that they refer to during arguments.

After careful consideration, research and discussion, I have managed to discover what I believe to be the actual liberal version of the Bill of Rights, hidden away since the 18th century and only revealed to liberals. Its existence explains why so many liberals are so wrong so much of the time.

Bill of Rights (Liberal Version)

Amendment I

There shall be no show of respect for any Christian religion, or people who believe in a Christian religion, or Christian-based holidays, and no one who professes belief in any Christian religion shall be considered fit for any government position or office. No law shall abridge the freedom of speech, or of the press, or the right of the people, peaceably or otherwise, to assemble and to petition the government for a redress of grievances, unless that speech, that press or those people are in support the actions of Republicans, or in condemnation of the actions of Democrats, or might be construed as giving offense to anyone.

Amendment II

The military and police being the only forces necessary to the security of the State, the right of the common people to keep and bear arms shall be removed, weighed down with restrictions and regulations until private citizens can no longer own anything that might be used as a weapon.

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