Can We Learn From Disaster?
By Rabbi Shea Hecht
May 27, 2008

When major catastrophes occur and thousands of people die, like during the recent cyclone in Myanmar and the earthquake in China, hopefully it causes us to take a step back and take stock of our lives.

Here in New York, though we only lived through the catastrophes in long distance through news stories, we were staggered by the number of the dead, the devastation and the overwhelming destruction. With so many fatalities we can't help but feel grateful that we are alive and that we weren't subjected to the horrors that the people of these two countries were.

Out of the chaos of the earthquake in China, the story of rekindled love and a marriage reborn moved me. It's a tale that touched the lives of three people - a father, a mother and a 14 year old daughter.

Wang Zhijun and Li Wanzhi were pulled from the rubble of their collapsed six-story workers' dormitory in Shifang, China 28 hours after last Monday's earthquake.

Mr. Wang, 40, had returned home just two days before the quake, after traveling around the country for six months and unsuccessfully trying his hand at different small businesses. He and his wife rarely spoke while he was away. He spent the Chinese New Year, China's most important family holiday, away from home and by himself. This lack of communication caused a major rift in their marriage and the couple drifted apart.

Ms. Li was raising their daughter, Xinyi, 14, on her own.

"My husband doesn't have a stable life," Ms. Li said. "He goes wherever he can get a job. I told him, 'Why don't you have a rest? Stay away from business. Just try and enjoy life for a while.' "

Now that Mr. Wang was finally home after all those months, the couple was sitting at home relaxing trying to rebuild their relationship. Then the earthquake came burying them together under the rubble of the dormitory building.

While they were stuck under the rubble the couple was faced with a grim reality. They were pinned together under the rubble, a slab of stone above them threatening to fall if they moved.

"In our minds, everything was clear," Ms. Li recalled. "We were buried in the rubble.

"As a woman, as a mother, my first thought was, 'What about my daughter? Who'll take care of her if I die?' ", she said.

They whispered to each other. They talked of their 14-year-old daughter. They recalled their life together, the shape of it before and the shape of it to come, all the changes they would make in their lives and in their relationship if they ever got out alive.

"I want you to make it out," Mr. Wang said. "We have a child, and I want you to raise her."

The couple had to take turns breathing. While one took a deep breath, the other held their breath. They were now not only worried about each other, but forced to focus on each other's breathing so they both could breath and live.

Ms. Li encouraged her husband when he was losing hope and told him he had to remember their daughter and the future that awaited them when they were rescued.

Faced with the reality of death, Mr. Wang realized he had his priorities wrong all along. He said that he would spend more time at home. He wanted to settle down, and see more of their daughter.

"The only thing we had was each other," Mr. Wang said. "We encouraged each other to live on, and we said once we got out, we'd live a good life and care for each other. Now we have a new start."

Though there were surely many big and small acts of courage during the earthquake, the cyclone and their aftermath, what moved me about this story is that the couple who had given up hope on their marriage was given a second chance to build it up.

The question, "Can we learn from disaster?" must be answered with a resounding "yes!" We can be grateful that we didn't live through the life-altering trauma, yet learn its lessons nonetheless: Take a look at our priorities and see if there's anything that needs to be modified.

And then, we don't have to wait for disaster. We can change it.

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Shea Hecht is a Rabbi and activist in the Jewish community. He can be reached at rabbishea@aol.com

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Note -- The opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, views, and/or philosophy of GOPUSA.