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Euro-crats Stick it to Microsoft
By Chuck Muth
March 30, 2004

Much like Wal-Mart and Mickey D's, everybody hates Microsoft...except, of course, the millions and millions of people who use and buy their products day after day after day.

The European Union - home of the world-famous cheese-eating surrender monkeys - has joined the I-Hate-Microsoft crowd. The EU's Mario Monti has decided to stick it royally to Microsoft, fining the cheeky American company $612 million for having the audacity to actually sell a product that European consumers want, can afford and which actually works.

I have to admit that as a proud card-carrying techno-troglodyte, I didn't understand what the all this fuss was about. So I asked Fred Smith of the Competitive Enterprise Institute to 'splain it to me in layman's terms in an interview last week. Maybe his analogy will help you, as well...

Let's say Henry Ford invents the automobile. Later, he finds out that people want radios in his cars. So Ford decides to manufacture his own version of a radio and installs them in every car. When he does, the independent radio manufacturers go meshungana because Ford's selling cars pre-installed with Ford-made radios instead of their radios.

Naturally, the sour-grape radio manufacturers do the American thing and sue Ford for anti-trust violations, enlisting Janet Reno's great-great-grandfather, Ahab Reno, to hunt down and kill the great white auto-whale...but not until after he orders the cavalry to storm an Indian village, burning it to the ground and killing everyone inside in order to "save" the children.

But I digress.

To make a long story short, Ford and the government duke it out until Ford realizes the referee in the fight is in the government's pocket. So he settles the case under the best terms he could get under the circumstances.

He's still in business. And the lawyers on both sides are swimming in champagne and caviar.

Now, while all this is going on, our friends over the pond hear about this wonderful new invention called the automobile (which Al Gore's great-great-grandfather now claims HE invented) and...get this...they want 'em, too. So what's that capitalist SOB Ford do? He ships his cars to Europe. Europeans buy 'em. Ford makes money. And Europeans no longer have to take a pooper-scooper with them on their trips to the grocery store. Everybody's happy.

Well, almost everybody. See, Europe has more than its fair share of useless bureaucrats, too. In fact, I think the "bureaucrat" was the first European invention ever exported to the United States. Talk about a Trojan horse. In any event, one of those bureaucrats learns of Ahab Reno's anti-trust case and brings the same charges against Ford.

Ford, having been down this road before, decides to negotiate with the Euro-weenies for a settlement along the same lines as the one extorted out of him by the Americans. Only the European bureaucrat in charge demands more. It's not enough that Ford allow other radios be installed in his European cars. No, he has to sell cars without any radio being pre-installed and give his competitors all the secret manufacturing information on the construction of the car so a European competitor can rip it off easily.

In addition, Ford has to promise not to add any additional new features to his cars in the future without first getting the bureaucrat's permission. You know, something like, say...air conditioning. So Ford tells the bureau-weenies to stick it in their ear and decides to take his chances in a court of law.

That, in nutshell is what happened to Microsoft. Except instead of it being a car, it's the Windows operating system, which many of you are using to read this column this very minute. And instead of it being a radio, it's Microsoft's Media Player.

The Euro-crats are still the same.

Now, some people will blow this whole thing off because they figure Microsoft is a huge conglomerate which can afford to take it in the shorts.

But if this I-hate-American-business precedent stands, the prospects of successful world trade for all U.S. companies will be at serious risk. That means American jobs. That means American prosperity. Indeed, this decision could mean war...a trade war, that is. And that means no one wins.

Except, of course, the legal vultures and pencil-pushing bureau-geeks.

Thanks, Monti.

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Chuck Muth is president of Citizen Outreach, a non-profit public policy advocacy organization in Washington, D.C. The views expressed are his own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Citizen Outreach. He may be reached at chuck@citizenoutreach.com.

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Note -- The opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, views, and/or philosophy of GOPUSA.