Other Columns by Doug Patton
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My friend Troy suggested over lunch last week that I write a column about all the things that are now being blamed on George W. Bush. My first reaction was that it has been done. One piece has explored all the reasons why Hurricane Katrina was Bush's fault.

We have all heard the accusations about blown levees and federal neglect of New Orleans' poor, predominantly black citizens. Global warming, we are being told, is to blame for all these hurricanes, and that, of course, is all George Bush's fault. In fact, he may have even directed Katrina to hit the poorest minority neighborhoods of New Orleans. Yes, I reasoned, the satirical, blame-Bush piece has been done.

But then, I thought, why stop with Katrina. The Left is never content to blame just one thing on this president. So, in the interest of public information, I went through my Sunday paper and found a veritable treasure trove of things that are Bush's fault!

Headline: "With Major Cities Largely Spared, Evacuated Texans Can't Wait to Get Back" Obviously, since the president has the power to direct hurricanes, he must have controlled Hurricane Rita as well. It seems clear now that Bush allowed Rita to head toward Houston as a category five storm, forcing millions of Texans to flee. Then at the last minute, the White House directed Rita to veer to the east, thereby sparing Houston but dumping enough rain onto New Orleans to again flood the city's ninth ward. So, we can safely say that the renewed flooding in New Orleans is Bush's fault.

Headline: "Gulf Coast's Next Disaster Likely to be Mold" Was it not enough that the White House forced water into people's homes? Now, they will have to contend with mold spores planted in their homes by this evil president.

Headline: "Evacuees Screened for Wanted Criminals" In this story, it seems that some cities are doing criminal background checks on evacuees when they show up in their communities. Since New Orleans officials simply emptied their jails before the storm, this sounds logical. But, of course, the ACLU and other guardians of the rights of the criminally deviant are screaming that this is discriminatory against minorities. Who could possibly be behind such a plot against the downtrodden but George W. Bush?

Headline: "Credit Card Companies Sure Don't Mind Those Soaring Gas Prices" In this article, we are told that fees charged by credit card companies are netting them $6 million more in profits per day than they did this time last year. This benefits the rich, so it must be Bush's fault.

Headline: "G.I. in Columbia Found Trafficking Cocaine to be Easy" Here we have the story of a U.S. Army Staff Sergeant deployed to South America to fight drug trafficking. Instead, he became a trafficker himself. "It was easy. They never suspected that any military of civilian personnel would bring back contraband," SSgt. Daniel Rosas said, thereby leaving us with no alternative but to blame George Bush and his war on drugs for this good man's downfall.

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