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We're Not in Mayberry Anymore
By Doug Patton
November 22, 2004

I know I will be accused of prudery for this column, but so be it. I've been called worse.

I grew up in the golden age of television: Captain Kangaroo, Leave it to Beaver, The Hallmark Hall of Fame, Gunsmoke, I Love Lucy and The Andy Griffith Show, to name just a few. You can find most of them in reruns on TV Land or Nick at Nite. These shows were not only entertaining; they reinforced values taught in virtually every home in America. Today, the average parent trying to shield children from sleaze almost has to block every channel but the two aforementioned cable networks.

What raised my ire this week was an obtuse little talk show host named Lionel. This minor player on the talk radio stage - who sounds like Joe Pesci and thinks like Howard Stern - was lamenting the provincial nature of anyone who would take offense at a sleazy commercial for the new television series, "Desperate Housewives," being broadcast just prior to a televised sporting event.

"Desperate Housewives" is a new prime-time soap opera about beautiful suburban women whose lives seem to revolve around sex with anyone but their husbands. It's sort of like a broadcast TV version of HBO's now-defunct "Sex in the City." Let's just call it "Sex in Suburbia." Nothing new here. "Dallas" was every bit as salacious twenty years ago. The difference is the nature of the commercials advertising the show, as well as when and where they are shown.

For the last three decades, the American Broadcasting Company (ABC) has provided America with what has become a sports tradition at the start of each week. It's called Monday Night Football. Two generations of families have enjoyed this tradition together. Fathers and sons have bonded while cheering for their favorite teams. The commercials have been legendary, especially those leading up to and during the Super Bowl - a game that has become worth watching for the commercials alone. Remember Mean Joe Green tossing his jersey to the adoring kid in the Coke commercial? It was heart-warming. It was wholesome. It was family-friendly.

Unfortunately, those days are gone. Welcome to the 21st Century, where CBS dishes up Janet Jackson's bare breast at halftime and ABC advertises "Desperate Housewives" to the family audience tuning in for Monday Night Football. And to top it all off, this is done in such a way as to cheapen the game and one of its heroes.

This brings me back to the talk show. In a fit of blue-state snobbery, Lionel asked how anyone could possibly be offended by the commercial in question. After all, it doesn't show anything but the woman's naked back. There's no nudity. Why would anyone be offended?

I'll tell you why, Lionel. There are millions of people in this country and around the world who are trying to raise their children to believe that a lifetime of traditional, monogamous marriage to one spouse (of the opposite sex) is a worthy goal and one of the keys to a happy, normal life. These folks don't want to sit down with their children to watch a football game and have their values assaulted by a sleazy commercial depicting a promiscuous woman trying to entice a football hero into abandoning his commitment to his team in order to have illicit sex in a locker room.

So, don't tell me that this is "no big deal" just because it "doesn't show anything." The lack of nudity is not the standard. The issue is what we are conveying to our children about what is right and noble and desirable in life. That should be our standard.

The television network executives who bombard our children with social sewage are constantly telling their viewers, "If you don't like what's on, turn it off." They should be careful what they wish for.

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Doug Patton is a freelance columnist who has served as a speechwriter, policy advisor and communications director for federal, state and local candidates, elected officials and public policy organizations. His weekly columns are published in newspapers across the country and on selected Internet websites. Readers can e-mail him at dpatton@neonramp.com.

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Note -- The opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, views, and/or philosophy of GOPUSA.