The Future of Marriage
By Doug Patton
June 21, 2004

"There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage." - Martin Luther

A small but inspiring article caught my attention last week, causing me to push stories about the atrocities of Al-Qaida, the cinematic distortions of left-wing filmmaker Michael Moore and the self-indulgent memoirs of you-know-who off my desk in favor of an examination of the history and the future of marriage in America.

It is the story of E.R. and Bessie Pennebaker of Lenox, Iowa, who just celebrated 80 years of marriage. They were married on June 14, 1924, when he was 21 and she was 16. For 68 years, E.R. Pennebaker was a practicing veterinarian working out of their home, while Bessie was a homemaker who kept the books for the business.

This couple has been married longer than most of us will live. Consider the fact that the week after the D-Day invasion, the Pennebakers were celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. Thirty years ago this summer, when Richard Nixon resigned the presidency, Dr. and Mrs. Pennebaker had just celebrated 50 years together.

My wife and I were married on July 2, 1969. As with all marriages, we have had our share of struggles, but we have remained committed to each other and to our children. As Pam and I approach another milestone anniversary, it is easy to take the kudos of family, friends and acquaintances to heart, and to believe that staying together for 35 years is truly an amazing accomplishment. Perhaps it is, but that may be more of a commentary on the times in which we live than on the enduring nature of our marriage.

This is especially true when contrasted with the longevity of the Pennebakers' marriage, and it started me thinking about the state of marriage in America in 1924, in 1969 and in 2004.

In 1924, society considered marriage between a man and a woman for a lifetime to be the norm. An adult not yet married was considered to be in the transitional stage between the childhood years and the childbearing years. Divorce laws demanded a legal justification, and "no fault" was a foreign concept. Fidelity to one's spouse may not have been universally practiced, but it was considered the correct way to behave.

By 1969, society was beginning to embrace something radically different from that practiced in the world in which E.R. and Bessie Pennebaker were married. "Free love" was the buzzword at Woodstock, and the Stonewall riots in New York brought the issue of homosexuality out of the closet and onto the front page. For the first time, it was seriously suggested that a proclivity to perform deviant sexual acts was innate in certain people, and therefore these individuals were deserving of protection as a mistreated class.

A vocal minority in my generation was by then casting aside the traditions our parents and grandparents had taught us. Still, when my wife and I exchanged our vows that summer, marriage was considered the ideal by the vast majority of people with whom we grew up.

There are times when my wife and I feel as though the shared societal consensus that still existed when we were children is gone forever. One can only imagine how the Pennebakers must feel. Reading today's headlines about something called "same-sex marriage," the United States of America in 2004 must seem like an alien civilization to them.

Today, Bessie Pennebaker is 96. E.R. is 101. After a lifetime of devotion, they remain together, living in an assisted care facility since Bessie's heart attack a year ago. E.R. is deaf now, forcing them to communicate through writing and 80 years of knowing each other. Despite their fragile health, their "lovely, friendly and charming relationship" goes on. After 80 years of marriage, their "communion" endures.

Eighty years from now, what will be the state of marriage in America?

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Doug Patton is a freelance columnist who has served as a speechwriter and policy advisor for federal, state and local candidates, elected officials and public policy organizations. His weekly columns are published in newspapers across the country, and on selected Internet web sites, including www.GOPUSA.com, where he serves as the Nebraska Editor. He also writes for Talon News Service (www.TalonNews.com). Readers can e-mail him at dpatton@neonramp.com.

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Note -- The opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, views, and/or philosophy of GOPUSA.