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What Would Al Gore Do?
By Doug Patton
May 13, 2002

Imagine for a moment what Al Gore might have done by now had he been allowed to steal the election in Florida a year and a half ago.

Does anyone doubt for a moment that Gore would have signed into law virtually every expensive scheme concocted by the Democrats over the last fifteen months?

He would have approved embryonic stem cell research, because liberals have a way of prioritizing human beings into neat little categories to decide who lives and who dies and why.

President Gore would have called for a brand new Education Bill, a federal program creating less education and more bureaucracy. After looking the other way while Ted Kennedy jettisoned the only truly innovative idea in the original bill-vouchers-Gore would have hailed this new monstrosity as a great day in American education.

It gives me the shivers to contemplate ambitious Al at the helm of the military, especially after we were attacked; but the American people tend to rally around their president at such times, and Gore could have been counted on to play the part while watching his approval rating soar.

The so-called Campaign Finance Reform bill would have borne his signature the moment it hit his desk. In fact, he would have relied on his poll numbers to give him political cover for approving a statute that may well be declared unconstitutional.

President Gore would most certainly have disregarded the consequences to our own economy while caving in to the protectionist demands of big labor bosses to put tariffs on such items as steel.

In an effort to connect with younger voters, the Gore Administration would have sent a representative-probably a cabinet member-to appear on MTV and tell young people to ignore those conservative abstinence messages. Just practice safe sex, they would be told, and you will be fine.

Refusing to acknowledge that it is nothing but corporate welfare, Gore would have enthusiastically signed the massive, $180 billion Farm Bill. The agricultural community (read "farmers") tends to vote. Gore would conclude that the Farm Bill was needed to help his party regain control of both houses of Congress.

After watching Bill Clinton profit politically from the flood of illegal aliens, Mr. Gore would have carried on that policy with abandon, even after September 11th, possibly floating an amnesty proposal along the way.

Gore's fear of being called pro-NRA by anti-gun fanatics like Chuck Schumer and Diane Feinstein would have caused him to oppose a common sense, post 9-11 measure like arming airline pilots, even though most of them are former military officers familiar with all kinds of firearms.

Had Gore been seated as the 43rd president, he certainly would not have urged Congress to make another attempt at passing a ban on partial-birth abortion. In fact, he would not have encouraged any pro-life legislation at all.

In the current Israeli-Palestinian conflict, Gore would have vacillated on the issue of U.S. support for Israel, thus creating a universal air of uncertainty about American commitment to our tiny ally. This, of course, would encourage our enemies, create a sense of confusion among the American people and cause a slow but steady drop in the president's sky-high approval rating.

And finally, Al Gore would have tried as hard as he could to achieve the approval of Hollywood. Since Tipper long ago sold out to the very scum she once criticized, the president could pick the most foul-mouthed, disgusting has-been-perhaps a washed-up rock star with a brain so fried from drug abuse that his speech is barely intelligible-and promote him at every opportunity. Ozzy Osbourne, whose MTV sitcom family puts the "funk" in dysfunctional, would fill the bill nicely. The president could announce to the world that he liked the show. Then, just to show how hip he is, he could read off a list of Ozzy's song titles at a White House correspondents' dinner, and announce that, "Mom loves your stuff, Ozzy!"

Wouldn't that be embarrassing? Yes, there is no question about it: words cannot express how thankful I am that Al Gore is not living in the White House.

Political folklore has it that several years after the 1964 election, a voter lamented, "Everyone warned me that if I voted for Barry Goldwater instead of Lyndon Johnson, American boys would end up fighting a war ten thousand miles away in Vietnam. Well, I voted for Goldwater, and darned if they weren't right!"