Your 9 year-old daughter runs out of a public swimming pool shower, crying because a 45 year-old naked man is lounging in the sauna, "full monty." You call the police. The police arrest you for violating the man's rights and send both you and your daughter to "behavior modification counseling."
Because even though the man's "birth assignment" is male, he "identifies" as a female and you have violated his rights under your state's "gender identity equality" laws.
If you think this is just crazy and nothing like this could possibly happen in America, stop reading now and go back to the comfort of your Doonesbury cartoon. In Washington state, half of this scenario has already played out.
Late last year, a parent called the police after her daughter walked into a locker room and observed a naked man using the sauna. According to the police report obtained by Campus Reform, the transgendered man in question, a 45-year-old Evergreen State College student named Colleen Francis, was "sitting with her legs open with her male genitalia showing" with girls as young as six years old present.
Police, however, were advised by the local prosecutor's office that "criminal law is very vague in this area and it would be unlikely they could pursue charges."
Oh, how quaint those days when such behavior was considered "indecent exposure."
Evergreen State College spokesman Jason Wettstein told Campus Reform that the school must "follow a non-discrimination policy with the state."
"State law doesn't allow us to ignore gender identity disorder as one of the protected classes... therefore the transgendered individual has the right to use our facilities, including the locker rooms," he added.
If you're somewhat bewildered by the phrase, "her male genitalia," you don't understand the definition of "transgender," which is a term used to refer to "people whose gender identity differs from their assigned sex at birth."
The politically correct phrase to describe a boy, girl, man or woman is not "boy, girl, man or woman," but one's "assigned sex at birth," as though every human's genetic makeup is now some social designation created by committee.
So, what about charging the man with indecent exposure?
The police report specifies "criminal law is very vague in the area and it would be unlikely they could press charges."
Right now, California assembly members Tom Ammiano and Toni Atkins, along with state senators Ricardo Lara and Mark Leno, have co-authored a bill to "require" public schools to permit students to participate in sports and "use facilities consistent with his or her gender identity, irrespective of the gender listed on the pupil's records."
"Facilities" includes everything associated with, say, a swimming pool, including showers and sauna.
You are to presume that only those who truly feel they're living in the wrong bodies will benefit from these laws, not perverts who will use them to their advantage. After all, we all know pedophiles never choose careers or use devious means to get close to children, so don't even think that these lawmakers are aiding and abetting such molesters.
The truth is, there truly are men and women who don't identify with their gender.
It's a reality that does require tolerance and understanding. If public policy needs to be made to accommodate the transgendered, these "bathroom bills" are certainly not the solution.
Is it too late to find a more reasonable solution?
It seems the only fix is replacing the lawmakers enacting this legislation.
For them, it's bigoted for you to even consider a grown man who identifies as a woman exposing himself to little girls to be a problem. It's a matter of civil rights.
Colleen Francis defends himself, telling local television news station KIRO-7, "This is not 1959 Alabama! We don't call the police for drinking from the wrong water fountain!"
Ms. Francis forgets that Martin Luther King kept his pants on in front of little girls.
© Copyright 2013 Rick Jensen, distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.
Rick Jensen is Delaware's Award-Winning Conservative Talk Show Host on 1150AM WDEL and 93.7FM HD3, Streaming live on WDEL.Com from 1pm — 4pm EST. Contact Rick at email@example.com, or follow him on Twitter@JensenVoiceover.